Wednesday, March 05, 2008
WFMW (Backwards Day!)
Happy Wednesday to you! It's time once again to post another WFMW tip. Once again Shannon is doing a Backwards Day edition where you ask for advice, rather than give it.So, I need help figuring something out. How do you nip older sibling jealousy in the bud? Let me give you some background info.
Snuggle Bug has been an only child for nearly 3 years. Then along came our first foster daughter, Baby Bug. At nearly 4 months old, she isn't much of a threat to him. In fact, Snuggle Bug adores her. Sounds good, right?
Well, then along came our second foster daughter, Boo. At 12 months old, she is much more of a "threat" to Snuggle Bug. He is having a difficult time sharing his toys and sharing his mommy and daddy with her.
We understand that Snuggle Bug has had a lot to adjust to and that he hasn't had any time to get used to the idea of a foster sibling. But what can we do to help him cope and to diminish the sibling rivalry?
Any suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks!
To see what advice others need, be sure to check out the other links at Shannon's, the creator of Works-For-Me Wednesday!
My past WFMW entries are found here.
Oh, a quick note:My March Pay It Forward Book Exchange is now in full swing.
If you want a chance to win, be sure to check out this post for more details! You don't have to be a blogger to win!
Labels: Works-For-Me Wednesday
7 Comments:
Faber and Mazlish's book Siblings Without Rivalry is a great place to start. Quick and easy to read and full of common sense.
I agree with the previous book suggestion. I think a big part of sibling rivalry is the ownership factor. When you are an only child you own everything. When a sibling comes along they begin to take your stuff. One idea is to set a few, not all, things a side that just belong to each child. That means that anyone else must have permission to play with it. Maybe have a special basket in a special place for those special things. My oldest classified pretty much everything as her special things, so keep the basket small. And try not to fall into the trap of having ownership of colors of things. My oldest also classifies everything blue hers. I'm trying to break that but it's hard.
Just keep up the good work. The things that you are doing to reassure him are wonderful. I commend you on that.
Part of it is just a waiting game. They have to adjust to one another.
Make sure that he has a few toys that are just his that he doesn't have to share. He can pick those out himself and put them in a special place where no little girls can get into them. Also, I would suggest you have special one on one times with each of the kids, but especially the oldest. Let him help you do things that the other kids can't do, and try to do a "date night" or other such fun things with just him for a while.
Sibling rivalry although not fun is normal and time is a good healing factor.
I so agree that each child should have things they don't have to share and it is hard for children at that age to understand that.
Also, and I am sure you do this, make sure each child has special private time wit both Mom and Dad.
I also told all my children that they were my favorite child. When my daughter Timoni was about 10 she came up to me and said "She knew" and I said "New what". And she replied, "That you tell everyone that they are your favorite". I just smiled and said, "And it is so true" and then I heard the others giggling.
Also, as Snuggle Bug and Boo get to know each other better he will probably become very protective of her and feel more secure as the big brother.
God Bless You!!
I was an only child for 4 years, and what my parents did was make sure I had one-on-one time with them. Every Friday evening, mom would put my sis to bed and we'd hang out and eat dinner together, play board games, watch movies.
Also, they'd point out what i could do because i was a "big girl" - eat an ice cream cone, stay up later, etc. it helped :)
One thing that has really helped us with the "no, Bit-Bit, MINE!" thing, is this: If Mia says that, we then tell her, "OK Mia, if this is yours, then you need to go pick something out that Bit-Bit CAN play with". She LOVES this game.
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