Thursday, February 21, 2008
Adoption #2- I'm angry on Boo's behalf!
First of all, we get to keep Boo. There will be no sending her back to her previous foster home only to have her transitioned back into our home a few days later. Thank goodness for that!Yesterday Boo's previous foster mom brought over the rest of her stuff. It was nice of her to do this and I had the opportunity to ask her a few questions while she was here. Boo perked up when she saw her and crawled into her arms and played there.
As nice as this foster mom was, I'm still angry on Boo's behalf about a couple of things.
1) For the poor shape of her clothes. The previous foster mom brought over a grocery bag of her clothes and a couple of nice two piece outfits. The outfits were the only really nice things. Most of the other clothes she left us were stained or tattered. Some were "okay" but the majority of them were not. I couldn't help but wonder how Boo was dressed each day, given the poor condition of the clothes that were delivered to us. There's no need for that! Foster parents get a clothing allowance for goodness sakes! It's not much but if you're careful in where you shop you can get nice stuff for inexpensive prices. She deserves better and now that she's with us she'll get nicer clothes! We already went out and bought her a few nice sleepers, an Easter dress, a couple of shirts and a couple of pants. We may or may not get a clothing allowance for her, it depends on whether the previous foster mom already spent Boo's allotted amount for the first half of this year. I don't care. We'll be buying her more clothes to fill out her wardrobe regardless! I was extremely disappointed in this foster mom for not keeping her clothes in better shape. I understand that little ones spit up and get food all over their clothes at mealtimes but that's what Spray 'n Wash if for!
2) For the lack of baby pictures. This previous foster mom has had Boo in her care since last July, which means she would've been 5 months old. I specifically asked if we could have a copy of any pictures they might have taken of her since she was placed with their family. I even offered to pay for these copies. Yesterday, this foster mom brought over her digital camera and allowed us to transfer over 8 pictures of Boo. It was clear that they were pictures taken fairly recently, like probably within the last week or so. She had NO baby pictures to give us. How hard is it to pick up a camera and snap a few pictures of a baby, foster kid or not, and get them developed? How could a mother, foster mother or otherwise, fail to understand how important those baby pictures might be to a child as they get older?! That's a part of Boo's history that she'll never have and there's no way I can get that back for her. It's yet another thing she's lost as a result of being placed in the foster care system. I seriously doubt we'll get any pictures from her parents either as they haven't seen her since birth. She was given to her aunt at birth who then had her taken away and put into foster care four months later.
The lack of clothes I can fix. The lack of pictures I can not and it breaks my heart. Her earliest pictures will be at 1 year old. How sad is that? I can't help but feel angry at this previous foster mom for not making at least SOME effort in taking pictures of Boo as a baby.
Well, thanks for letting me vent. I think it helps to get that off my chest.
Labels: adoption #2, Boo, expanding our family, family, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
26 Comments:
This is SO SAD. One of the things I'm most grateful for from my daughter's foster home in Guatemala was that they did take pictures of her, and buy her cute clothes as well. I felt so good knowing that she'd been loved and knowing that she'd be able to see that for herself one day.
Poor Boo! That will be a hard gap in her past... but I know that you'll make sure everything is recorded from here on out!
Thank God she is with you now! Cindi
I'm angry for Boo, too. It would not at all be hard to snap a couple pictures, and it doesn't take much to realize what a treasure this could be to a child in foster care. Having said that, we have so little from dd's earliest life, but we've made much out of it in her lifebook and her scrapbook, and now that she's three that matters so much to her.
You've probably already considered this -- you're such intuitive parents -- but I wanted to recommend a hip carrier to foster attachment and security for Boo. Putting together a couple of the things you've written in the last couple posts with our experience when dd came home, it seems to me that Boo might benefit from some constant, imposed contact even while you need hands free for Snuggle Bug and Baby Bug!
In terms of security and attachment, though, I have no doubt that Snuggle Bug will be your greatest asset, and that you'l all find ways to make up for her lost time.
I have big tears in my eyes for little boo! It does sound like her physical needs were met....but there is just so much more care to be offered!!
Her future is so bright...focusing on that. It is going to be a blast to watch this little one blossom this spring!
Exactly what Cindi said. She's lucky to have you.
I know how you're feeling. When we got Sera, we got the outfit on her back. The only pictures we have of her are the three referral pictures and two updated photos we received one month later.
Of course, it's a different situation in that all the clothes were shared by all the babies. But it is still sad when you realize you have nothing of their first year.
Sweety, Don't worry so much over the pictures. She has you now..
If I were you, I wouldn't waste that energy on any anger.. God bless you for taking care of little Boo.. She is adorable. God be with you daily as you provide a safe home with love for this precious child.. Have a beautiful day! Bunches of hugs!
I'm saddened by this too. I'm so glad she is with you! SHe'll have pictures and clothes now, but more importantly, love!
That really is sad that she won't have pictures of herself as a baby. Thankfully, she will have good memories of her time with you.
Thats so sad! Im glad she is with you now. And although you can not make up for the past, you can give her a future filled with wonderful pictures and lots of happy memories!
As long as she is loved, and she knows she is loved, that will mean more than anything.
I'm so happy she'll get to stay with you! I really hope this means adoption isn't too far away as well :)
I would be sad/angry for her as well to have no photos from earlier. I can't imagine having a baby in my care for 7 months and not taking any photos!
If this baby of mine ever decides to come out, and it's a boy, then I've got some of Kayla's old clothes I can send to you! I saved almost everything of hers :)
Pictures are a must for me, so I can only imagine how you feel.
Make up for lost time and snap away now!
I vowed when I had my 2nd and 3rd children that they would have just as many pictures as their oldest sibling who had caboodles of pictures taken as a baby. I was a 2nd child and there weren't nearly as many pictures of me as of my older sister.
Wow! I am so upset with you! The mother didn't keep any kind of scrapbook - diary - nothing? I know here they require a journal/scrapbook to follow the child so the pictures follow the child and I would report this and the clothing problem. This is just February for pete's sake! How could she have spent the clothing allowance unless she gave the good clothes away!
I praise God Boo is with you! Also, as social services if they know of any pictures at all. Someone, somewhere had to take some pictures of her. That is amazing to me.
I know this little one is so blessed to be with you. I see JOY and lots of LOVE in her future!
If it is a consolation, my parents took very few pictures of me as a baby due to the fact that I had bad eczema. Just snap away now! There is no reason to ever tell her that her first foster parents didn't take pictures - just say they didn't pass them on to you because they wanted to keep them for themselves. Age 1 is the cutest stage anyway, with that cute hair!
I completely understand! I have been a foster parent for 10 years and I am amazed at the lack of care and thought that is put into these precious childrens's clothing! I am with you on the spray and wash and bibs are a great help in keeping clothing stain free too. I make sure that the foster children leave here with pictures too. We adopted a little girl and I am so sad not to have any new baby pictures. luckily we got her when she was still pretty young. I have enjoyed reading your blog and I hpe you don't mind if I continue. You can come and read about our gift from God if you want. Take care.
Poor baby Boo! She is so lucky to have been placed with you and your husband. Good luck to you both and your three little ones.
You are such a wonderful family. I congratulate you and welcome the newest member of your clan.
You are very special indead to have the heart and ability to open your home to these children who will get so much loving from you all.
I am proud of your spirit, mainly because I know I just couldn't do what you are doing, I would get so attached and would never be able to let them go.
I am in awe of what you are doing for Baby Bug, to give her back after all this time would break my heart, but at the same time I am so happy for her parents trying their hardest to right everything so they can have her back.
All the best to you and your little bugs. I look forward to reading more about your amazing family and what you get up to.
Clothes shopping for kids is as you said so easy if you just take the time, there are some real cute things out there for such a small amount of cost. I look forward to hearing about this cute 1yr old lookign so smart in her new clothes.
I do realise that Boo does have a name that you will not mention and I accept your privacy, but please tell me that if you keep her you will keep her current name and not change it.
All the best from New Zealand
All I can say is Thank God she is with your family now, I too am looking forward to hearing your stories :)
Rachel xxx
A Juggling Mum
I definitely understand how frustrating that must be. Maybe you could ask if they happen to come across some pictures that they send them to you. Or maybe they didn't want you to have pictures of her with their family for some reason?
Let me first say that you are one of the unusual foster parents that you care how your foster children are dressed. There is this horrid mentality among many that they are not "your" children so there is not the same obligation to dress them nicely as there would be for biological children. When our daughter first moved in at age 5, she had never had a "new" outfit from a store with price tags on it. :( Very sad.
Second, I can completely understand the baby picture situation. We adopted our daughter from DSS at 5 and were actually really lucky that the bio mom willingly gave about 5 baby pictures ranging from birth to age 4. Still, it is not even a picture for each year she was alive. I felt really sad at one time realizing I would never be able to tell her about her first step, her first word, trying food the first time, etc etc etc. All those baby milestones that I missed out on. However, Boo is blessed to have you now and she is so young you will be able to share lots of those "firsts" with her. I hope she continues to settle in well!
I once picked up twin boys from another foster mom, and her bio kidshad Happy Meals from McD's, and these twins had a hamburger and a water. They were told that McD's had ran out of happy meals. Too bad for you. They had NOTHING but the clothes on them. I have never had a foster child come to me from another home with anything worth having.
When I fostered, our agency (we did not foster directly through the State)had a monthly requirement for the clothes. Each month the parent had to submit receipts for $50 worth of clothing, and that was not a reimbursed amount. It was to come out of the monies the foster parent received each month. Our agency paid quite a bit more than the State. That helped the children be better dressed and better treated. Foster parents were much more closely watched and were screened much better than with the State. I heard of some foster parents that would buy their bios clothes and submit the receipts, but if they got caught they got in trouble. If they continued, they lost their license from that agency.
You can tell the folks that foster for love of children verses love of money!
As for the pictures, few children ever come through the system with pictures. Even if one foster parent cares enough to take them, they are tossed or lost at the next place. It's a sad fact, but a fact nonetheless. Just take lots from now on!
Blessings!
I've just caught up on your posts of Boo. What a lucky little girl she is to be in your home that is so full of love.
I too would have been ticked at the clothes situation, that is one thing that is important to me with my own girls. They have nice clothes and they are always clean and in good shape. Shame on this other foster mother, her job is to care for this little girl. IMO that does go beyond being well fed.
I will say again, Boo is very lucky to have found a home with your family.
I chuckled at Snuggle Bug's reaction, what a cutie!
I am so sad about this but especially about the pictures ... We adopted our daughter at three months old and her foster mom sent a whole album of newborn pictures, which allowed me to create her baby album exactly the same way as her sister's (who we had from birth.)
A friend who experienced something similar with lack of photos took the few she had and edited them in various different ways. Her daughter, at least at a young age, cared mostly about having the same *number* of pictures as her siblings and that really helped.
Boo is blessed to have you, and you her!
God bless you. You have such a huge heart and these little ones are so so lucky to have been placed with you. My daughter works as a mentor for children in the foster care system and I can tell you from experience that you are a rarity where I live. There are many good foster parents but many many that only do this for extra income as well, and don't seem to care that much about the children.
That truly is very sad! The older of my two brothers came into our family when he was almost 1 (I was 19 incidentally)and I seem to recall that there were only a couple of photos (he'd been in his mother's care up until a week before) and they were hideous!!!
Thankfully he still looked a lot younger than he was so my parents quickly tried to make up for lost time!
But there really is not making up for it . . . and I can relate to the clothes thing too, very pathetic.
Oh wow. This post broke my heart. We have submitted our application to the State for foster-to-adopt and it just wrenches my heart to think that there are foster parents out there who are not loving on these babies like they are their very own!!!
I am so grateful for Boo and BabyBug that they have you and Oronzo who have a heart for these lovelies!!!
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