Monday, September 27, 2010
Boo's adoption has been finalized!
The day we've been waiting for for approximately 2 1/2 years, give or take a month or two, finally arrived!
We recently finalized the adoption of Boo and she is now legally our daughter! Of course, we've considered her a part of our family pretty much from day one but now it's legal. There is no longer any threat of her being taken away from us.
As you all know, this has proven to be a much more difficult journey towards adoption than we expected. We entered into Foster Care training rather naively. We were quite optimistic in the outcome of adoption through the Foster Care system, believing that we'd have a child adopted within a year.
We also believed that we'd be adopting a child from unfit parents that had had their parental rights forcefully terminated by the State. In some ways, perhaps it helped us feel less guilty about wanting to adopt again, because we believed we'd be adopting a child truly in need of a loving home...a child right within our city.
Baby Bug was our first placement and we lost our hearts to her quickly. She was reunited with her parents 8 1/2 months later and, although we supported that decision because we knew how hard they worked to get her back, we grieved A LOT. I still miss her and I had to grieve all over again when her parents chose to end all contact with us a second time.
Our continued journey through the Foster Care system with Boo was very little like we expected. We were lied to by the initial social worker, who told us what she thought we wanted to hear, in order to get Boo placed in our home. It wasn't until I attended the next court hearing, a couple of months after her placement, that I realized how much the social worker had lied and kept information to us.
We tried desperately not to get our hopes up about adopting Boo, as we waited to see how things would pan out with her bio mom who was incarcerated. We waited, and waited, and waited for the judge to make a decision, either way.
We did our best to be "good" foster parents, attending all court hearings, filling out all necessary forms, speaking up inside and outside of the court and advocating for Boo's needs along the way, being careful to follow all guidelines put forth by the foster care agency we were licensed through.
After many months, we got the severance ruling that we had prayed for, due to the instability of Boo's bio mom and her criminal lifestyle. But then, against all odds, the Court of Appeals overturned that ruling on a technicality and threw the case back to the Juvenile Court system and told the new judge to "start over". That's when talks began in earnest of having Boo transferred out of state. It seemed that our state wanted to "wash their hands" of the situation, regardless of what that meant to Boo.
We had to hire our own lawyer to gain "party status" in the case and fight even harder for Boo's rights.
In the end, Boo's bio mom made the difficult decision to admit that she was incapable of offering Boo the stability she needed and deserved and voluntarily severe her parental rights so that we could adopt her. Everyone involved in the case felt that we would've gotten another severance ruling again, even had she not come to this conclusion on her own, but we didn't trust "the system".
The events leading up to Boo's adoption have been nightmarish. We lost a lot of sleep, our marriage was strained, our finances were strained with unexpected legal fees, our family struggled, we doubted ourselves. But, we hung in there, we fought for this precious little girl, and now she's forever an important part of our family!
Boo's Adoption Day was glorious! We had a private adoption ceremony, with the same judge that finalized Snuggle Bug's adoption and the same lawyer too! Many of our family members and very dear friends were there to witness this amazing event. There was much joy and celebration! And there was an unexpected bonus to all of this...Snuggle Bug was a part of it all and Boo's adoption finalization helped him to understand a bit more about his own that took place when he was only 3 months old.
Afterwards, we had a party in a nearby splash park for Boo. It's one of her favorite places to be and she had a grand time! She got an Adoption cake, many thoughtful gifts, lots of hugs and kisses, and many well-wishes.
It was an emotional day for me. It was perfect! There are moments when I still find it hard to believe that we actually made it through to the other side.
Shortly after Boo's finalization, we notified our foster care agency that we were closing our home. Ornozo and I thought long and hard about that decision. It wasn't an easy one to make. But we both feel that it's best to focus on the raising of the two beautiful children that we have been blessed with.
Maybe one day again we'll foster. I'm sure we'll find other ways to help children in need. It's a passion of mine.
Thank you for all that have followed this journey. Your support, encouragement, and prayers have meant the world to Oronzo and I!
Don't think that you've seen the last of me though. I may not blog as often as I used to, but I'll still pop in now and then to discuss issues related to being an adoptive parent. And I hope to hear from you as well!
I'm a bit uncomfortable posting our family picture on here, but if you've been following our journey and you'd like to see one of Boo's adoption day photos, leave me a comment with your email and I'll oblige!
Take care!
Labels: adoption, adoption #2, Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering, Oronzo
Sunday, July 18, 2010
There's a whole lot of adoption talk going on in our household.
As Boo's adoption finalization date approaches (a bit over a month away now), there's a whole lot of adoption talk going on in our household.Adoption has been part of our everyday conversation for several years now. We've made a point to speak of it frequently with Snuggle Bug, even before he was able to understand much of anything we were saying to him (we're talking newborn stage here), in large part to get ourselves well-versed and comfortable with the conversations. Now that Snuggle Bug is 5, the word pops up more and more each day, often times prompted by him.
Here are some of the things he'll say to me,
"Mama, remember when I was in my birth mother's tummy?"
"My birth mother lives in ______ (state), right Mama?"
"Remember when I was 'dopted, Mama?"
"When is Boo gonna be 'dopted?"
I'm actually enjoying these conversations about adoption because for the longest time I worried that something was wrong, that I was handling things incorrectly, since Snuggle Bug never spoke of adoption, never made any reference to it at all. It wasn't until he was about 4 1/2 that something finally clicked.
Snuggle Bug is a very visual child. He wants you to show him things, not just tell him about them.
His dawning awareness of adoption (as much as a preschooler can understand) began when a neighbor's pregnancy became quite visible.
As she and I stood outside chatting one day, Snuggle Bug piped up and asked, "What's in your tummy?"
Our neighbor explained that her baby was growing in her tummy and that her baby would be born in about a month.
Snuggle Bug turned to me and asked, "Remember when I growed in your tummy, Mama?"
The moment of truth had arrived. It felt as though all my efforts to normalize talk of adoption throughout the years had finally culminated in this first question.
I knelt down to his level and explained, "Actually, honey, you didn't grow in my tummy. You grew in your birth mother's tummy and we were there at the hospital to meet you the day you were born."
I waited to see if my response would generate more questions. Snuggle Bug looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, "Oh, right," and the moment passed.
Since that first question, over time many more have followed and Snuggle Bug has even looked at pictures of Giselle. It feels so good to know that he feels safe enough to come to me with these questions and to realize that he's slowly beginning to grasp the concept that our family has been formed through adoption.
The fact that we talk of Boo's upcoming adoption quite a bit just adds another layer of awareness for Snuggle Bug as we explain what will happen in court that day.
I've overheard Snuggle Bug and Boo excitedly talking together about her approaching adoption and it warms my heart.
I can't wait to have Snuggle Bug witness Boo's adoption finalization. Being the visual child that he is, I think having him there in the courtroom with us will give him a deeper understanding about what adoption means to our family.
Labels: adoption, adoption #1, adoption #2, Boo, family, foster-to-adopt, fostering, Snuggle Bug
Monday, April 12, 2010
Relinquishment paperwork has been signed!
My hands are shaking as I type this and there are tears welling in my eyes. We got word just now that Boo's bio mom has voluntarily relinquished her parental rights so that we can adopt Boo. Our prayers these past 2 years have finally been answered! Thank you so much to all of you who have stood by us during these difficult times! We are so blessed!
More later. I need to go have a good cry now.
More later. I need to go have a good cry now.
Labels: adoption #2, Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Thursday, April 08, 2010
No paperwork signed yet.
We had been given hope that relinquishment paperwork would be signed by Boo's bio mom before the end of last week. To our knowledge, they have not yet been signed.
Our lawyer has attempted to contact her lawyer and has gotten no response.
What does this mean? Has Boo's bio mom changed her mind or is the prison system just hindering the process? Why isn't her lawyer responding to our lawyer?
I'm nervous that Boo's bio mom has changed her mind for some reason.
Well, we still have the second termination trial date set for later this month. Hopefully it won't come to that but this is our back-up plan.
Keep those prayers coming, please!
Labels: adoption #2, Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
A Time To Mourn
We've made it through to the other side of the mediation conference. It wasn't easy and I felt so apprehensive walking into that room. We had to wait for over 30 minutes before getting Boo's bio mom on the phone (it's tricky getting an inmate to a court ordered conference call, apparently).
We weren't sure what to expect. We expected that IF Boo's bio mom was considering relinquishment, she'd want much more post adoptive contact that we were willing to offer. We were preparing for the worst, that the negotiation attempt would end miserably and we'd be waiting for the second severance trial court date to press on.
The mediation did not go as expected! When Boo's bio mom got on the phone, the mediator started it out by asking her, "What do you feel is in your child's best interest?" or something to that affect.
There was a long pause and then we heard Boo's bio mom begin weeping. Through her tears she said, "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do! I love my little girl so much, but as much as it pains me I know it's in her best interest to be adopted by her foster family."
We were shocked! We weren't expected to hear those words from her. We sat in stunned silence.
Then Boo's bio mom said that she did not agree with amount of contact that was written in the draft post adoptive agreement, that she wanted much more than that. As my mind churned, trying to process everything and trying to figure out a way to tactfully tell her that the amount of contact she wanted was not going to happen at this point in time, the mediator took over.
The mediator told Boo's bio mom that before the specifics of the post adoptive agreement could be formalized, she needed to understand that her decision as to whether or not to relinquish her parental rights had to be made entirely independent of what we might or might not offer her in the way of a post adoptive agreement, otherwise it could be construed as an attempt at coercion on our part and the mediator was not going to allow that to happen. She told everyone that she was going to ask us to leave the room (along with our lawyer and the CPS case manager) so that she could speak in private with Boo's bio mom and her lawyer before this went any further.
We left the room and sat waiting, mostly in stunned silence. Eventually the mediator came out and said that Boo's bio mom had made the decision to relinquish and would accept the terms of our post adoptive agreement. She told us that we were free to go, unless we wanted to say anything further to Boo's bio mom.
Tears welled in my eyes and I said, "Saying thank you seems so inadequate in this situation." The mediator encouraged us to come back in and talk a bit more with Boo's bio mom.
We went back in and I told Boo's bio mom, "I want to thank you for trusting us with raising Boo and being her family. You know how much we love her already." Boo's mom said, "I know. I just hope that you'll make sure she knows how much I love her." I assured her that we'd be raising Boo with the knowledge that she was adopted and that her bio mom loves her very much. I reiterated that we would share age-appropriate information about her to Boo as Boo grew older. I encouraged her to write Boo a letter for us to give to her later.
I asked Boo's bio mom if she'd be willing to provide us with her family medical history, a picture of herself, and a baby picture of Boo (since we only have pictures of Boo from 12 months on). I explained that I thought these things would be very important to Boo as she got older. She said that she would get those things to us.
The mediator said something to the effect that she was sure we realized that Boo's bio mom was disappointed that we weren't offering her more frequent contact but that she explained to Boo's bio mom that she would need to lead a healthy, crime-free, sober life-style after she was released from prison and maybe that would help build trust between us and later change the frequency of our contact with her. We said we would keep an open mind about that.
So, now we wait. We wait for the lawyers to gather the necessary documents and get them faxed to Boo's bio mom in prison. We wait for her to sign the relinquishment papers. And while we wait, we mourn.
Yes, as strange as that sounds, we are mourning in some respects.
Of course, we're relieved and thankful that Boo's bio mom has made the decision to do what she feels is in her daughter's best interest, to allow her to be adopted by us.
But we're also experiencing sadness. It was difficult hearing the pain and tears in Boo's bio mom's voice as she told us of her decision. It was bittersweet to finally hear her admit that she was not able to provide her daughter with the stability that she deserves and that she wanted us to adopt her.
Boo's bio mom has fought so hard and for so long (over 2 1/2 years) to maintain her parental rights and to get her daughter back and in the end she couldn't overcome her personal demons and do what is necessary to make that happen.
But in the final hour, she put her child's needs first. She made it very clear that she loves her daughter and that this decision is the hardest she'll ever make. I believe that to be true. And, as a mother, it pains me. Her loss pains me.
That's the thing about adoption that many don't truly understand. As an adoptive mother, it's very hard to reconcile that my happiness has to come at the expense of another mother's pain and sadness. My gain is another mother's loss. No matter how brave or noble that mother is trying to be, that loss will always be with her. And it will always be with me as well. I will always be conscious of that loss.
And there will come a time when my children will be old enough to understand the sacrifice that was made and they will feel a sense of loss too, I'm certain. If I, as an adoptive mom, feel it then certainly my children will feel it at some level as well. I just hope that I can have a solid enough relationship with my children that when they reach that level of understanding and begin to mourn that loss, that they will come to me and I will be able to at least offer to listen and empathize and support them. And maybe we'll be at a place in our relationship with their bio moms that they can speak directly to them about their feelings as well.
This is not a done deal yet by any means, and it's certainly pre-mature to be celebrating. Right now, for me personally, this is a time to mourn for Boo's bio mom. It could've been different for her but it's not, so right now she's making what she feels is the right choice for her daughter. She's placing her trust in us and I'm determined to be trustworthy.
Labels: adoption #2, Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
In case you're wondering...
We still don't have a definitive answer on Boo's case but here's the latest.
We celebrated Boo's 3rd birthday recently by having a birthday tea party for her. She loved pouring tea for all of her little friends that day!
Once CPS determined that Boo's bio mom is indeed incarcerated again, they filed a motion for a new severance trial. That trial has been set for mid-April.
In the meantime, the judge has ordered that a mediation conference be held between us (Oronzo, me, and our lawyer) and Boo's bio mom and her lawyer, as well as a facilitator and CPS present. Obviously, since Boo's bio mom is incarcerated in another state, this will be a phone conference.
The judge is hoping that we'll be able to come to some kind of post-adoptive arrangement that where we agree to some type of post-adoptive contact in exchange for Boo's bio mom voluntarily relinquishing her parental rights, rather than fighting it in court longer (Boo has been in the system for over 2 1/2 years now, it's time for this to be done).
I must admit, I've gone through some angry moments. I've felt angry that we're being strongly encouraged to negotiate post-adoptive contact with a woman who has led a dangerous and criminal life-style for over 20 years. I've felt angry at what she's put her daughter through these past 2 1/2 years with her actions. I've felt angry that she's fought so hard to maintain her parental rights and yet couldn't seem to keep her own life together to give her daughter the stability she deserves. And I've struggled with these emotions because under different circumstances, I'd probably have no problem with some type of post-adoptive contact, as we have with Snuggle Bug's bio mom.
It's taken me time to work through this anger. Thank goodness for supportive family and friends who have listened without judgement and prayed with and for us.
I'm in a better place now to enter this mediation conference that's to be held next week. Oronzo and I have agreed on a "bottom-line" as far as what type of post-adoptive contact we're willing to offer (visitation is NOT a part of that bottom-line, not while Boo's bio mom is living the life that she's living now and maybe not at all until Boo requests that...if she makes that decision). If Boo's bio mom isn't willing to accept our bottom-line, then we'll see her in court. We feel the odds are more in our favor at this point.
We've been told that Boo's bio mom is seriously considering relinquishing her parental rights. She's begun to admit to herself and others that she may never be stable enough in her own life to parent her child. Still, it's not certain that she will make that decision in the end. We may still end up in court.
So, that's the update. This has been a much harder road than we ever imagined. It's been so stressful and there are days when I feel I've aged 10 years in the past 2. I just pray that this will all be worth it in the end. Boo is what keeps us going throughout all of this.
We celebrated Boo's 3rd birthday recently by having a birthday tea party for her. She loved pouring tea for all of her little friends that day! I look back at some of the first pictures we took of her when she arrived to us at 12 months old. It didn't seem like it at the time, but she was still such a baby girl back then...now she's grown taller, her face is definitely more defined, and her hair is nearly down to her waist (she calls it her princess hair). She's a sassy, beautiful, stubborn little girl. We love her dearly!
I'll post another update sooner rather than later.
Labels: adoption #2, Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Snow Day
In an effort to boost my spirits, yesterday I drove to the top of a nearby mountain and played with kids in the snow.
Snuggle Bug and Boo had a wonderful time throwing snowballs, catching snowflakes with their tongues, and making snow angels. It was beautiful and peaceful up there on the mountain. It was exactly what I needed to clear my head and to reconnect with God and nature.
Thank you all who have left supportive comments in my previous post. The prayers and encouragement from family and friends (online and in person) are what keep us going.
I'll update when I can.
Labels: Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering, snow
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Severance ruling overturned for Boo's case.
It's been so long since I've posted. To be honest, our life has been hell as of late!
We've waited on pins and needles for 8 months to learn what the Court of Appeals would rule (remember, we got a severance ruling back in March and Boo's bio mom appealed the ruling and the case got sent up to the higher court of appeals).
In mid-November, we got very bad news. The Court of Appeals overturned the severance ruling, stating that the state did not provide sufficient evidence that Boo's bio mom would be unable to parent her child in the near future. The fact that Boo had been in foster care for over 16 months, while her bio mom was incarcerated wasn't enough evidence. The problem was that her bio mom got out of prison on parole, spent 90 days in a half-way house, and swore up and down that she was ready to reform and parent her child.
It was also suggested by the Court of Appeals that perhaps CPS hadn't done enough to do an ICPC (Interstate Compact Placement of a Child) transfer of Boo to the state where bio mom was incarcerated, as bio mom requested when she learned her daughter was in the foster care system. They suggested that CPS should've tried to get this other state to find a foster family for Boo when the 3 families that Boo's bio mom suggested didn't meet the ICPC criteria to foster her.
So, what has bio mom been up to these past 8 months as she awaited news of the Court of Appeals ruling? Well we don't know the entire story, but we do know that she quit her job this fall (because she wasn't getting enough hours) without having another job lined up. We do know that she got arrested 4 times for the same misdemeanor crime within the span of 1 month (Oct-Nov)! We learned this week that her parole was revoked and she's currently incarcerated again, this time for at least 6 months. If she doesn't get written up, she'll be eligible for another parole hearing in the summer of 2010.
You'd think that the fact that she got arrested 4 times and is back in prison would be enough to schedule another severance trial, or at least take the pressure of an ICPC transfer off. Apparently not.
Bio mom's lawyer is still fighting to get Boo transferred to this other state, so Boo can have visits with her bio mom in prison and so that bio mom can start working a case plan if/when she's released from prison next summer.
Sadly, after having the severance ruling overturned, CPS and Boo's lawyer seem to be washing their hands of it all. They're not standing in the way of bio mom's lawyer demanding an ICPC transfer. In fact, CPS is starting to draw up the paperwork in anticipation of the new juvenile judge court ordering that ICPC be started, despite the fact that the judge has said he wants to wait to see what bio mom's incarceration status is (it was not known at the last hearing that her parole was indeed revoked).
Boo has been with our family for nearly 2 years. She is nearly 3 years old. She's seen her bio mom twice (two 1-hour supervised visits that were quite traumatic for Boo) since birth. She doesn't know her. Boo has been through hell being uprooted 3 times before reaching us. We've spent months working to get her stabilized! She thinks of us as her family, we're the only family she's ever truly known. She's well bonded to us. She's thriving and happy here. She's safe and well cared for her. We love her, she loves us.
Sadly, there's a good chance she will be removed from our home and sent to another foster family in another state in the hopes that her bio mom will get out of prison and get her life together so she can parent her child. It will take another 6-9 months from her release date to even have a hope of determining how successful she'll be! So, that means Boo will remain in foster care another year and a half!
CPS and Boo's lawyer are no longer thinking of the best interest of this child. Bio mom's lawyer's job is to protect the rights of the bio mother, even at the expense of the best interest of this child, and he's working hard to do just that.
This bio mom has had over 20 years of criminal/substance abuse history. She's been convicted of 40+ criminal charges (2 felony convictions, the rest misdemeanors). She's been incarcerated in prison 3 times now and has violated parole twice now. I've tried really hard not to judge throughout this process, but for goodness sake, at what point is enough enough?! At what point is her child allowed to have stability and permanency without having to wait longer to see if her bio mom is willing/able to change her life?!
What are we to do?!
Well, we've decided to hire an attorney to represent us. We've filed a Motion to Intervene in the hopes that the judge will make us a party to this case and give us legal standing and a voice, since Boo's lawyer is not proving to be much of a voice for her.
Our lawyer is suggesting that we file a Motion to Severance, to launch another severance trial, in the hopes that bio mom's recent incarceration will provide enough grounds to prove that bio mom will not be able to successfully parent her child in the near future!
There's a Status Hearing scheduled for mid-January and we'll learn more then.
In the meantime, we're loosing sleep worrying about things like, what kind of life will Boo lead if she's forced to leave our family and move to another state and another foster family while waiting to see if her bio mom can change her life? What kind of life will she lead if bio mom holds it together long enough to get Boo back but then later returns to her past unsafe way of life? How will Snuggle Bug (and Ornozo and I) cope with loosing her if it comes to that?
And of course, there's the worry of money. We're the only one in this case having to pay legal fees. Our lawyer has told us it'll cost up to $20,000 to launch our own termination trial. Needless to say, we don't have that kind of money! We're hoping to arrange some fundraisers and ask for donations from family and friends to offset some of this cost.
My nightmare has come true and I'm still in shock!
Your prayers would be much appreciated! I'll update when I know more. Sorry for the lack of consistency but our world is in upheaval right now and blogging regularly is no longer a top priority. I hope you all understand!
Labels: Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Monday, September 07, 2009
Slowly moving forward with Boo's adoption.
So, I've been out of commission in the blogger world lately. What can I say, we've been busy on this end.
Today was a good day. Oronzo took both kids out and kept them busy for about 4 hours so that I could clean our home from top to bottom!! I guess you could consider this a fall cleaning, but I had a specific purpose in mind for the clean fest.
We had another home inspection today, you see, and we passed! In the past 4 1/2 years, we've had 4 home inspections. One for Snuggle Bug's adoption, and 3 now for fostering (the initial one and now 2 renewals). So, by now, I know exactly what they're looking for and I made sure our house was in order.
The medicines were locked up appropriately. Our pool gates were padlocked, probably not necessary considering we have self-latching, self-closing gates, but with the state you can never be too prepared. We made sure the smoke detectors in every room had functional batteries. All the cleaning supplies were up out of reach. Our meager stash of liquor (wine and stuff for mixed drinks when we have parties) was up on a high shelf out of reach. The fire extinguisher is a current model. Our evacuation plan was prominently displayed. Every room of the house was neat and tidy. Everything was in order and we passed! Hooray!
Our foster licensing worker was in our home for about 30 minutes, and after doing the walk-through of the house, he sat and reviewed the mound of paperwork that we had to fill out for the relicensing. All was in order (yep, we're getting good at this).
We've been told that once we get certified for fostering for another year, that also transfers over to get us certified for adoption for Boo! :) We don't have to go through the same process twice in one year, thank goodness.
We're keeping our fingers crossed that we'll be allowed to finalize Boo's adoption by mid-November, in time for a huge adoption celebration that our city is holding in the park. It'll all depend on how well the foster agency and the adoption agency work together in passing information back and forth for certification. And it'll depend on whether or not that appeals ruling will be returned in time.
We'd appreciate your prayers. It's moving forward...just rather slowly! We can't wait for Boo to be a permanent part of our family!
By the way, check back later this week. I have some books to review and give away!
Labels: adoption #2, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Sunday, August 02, 2009
A small step forward in Boo's case.
Boo has been with our family for 17 1/2 months now and she's been in the foster care system for 25 months.Earlier this week, we FINALLY got the news that Boo's case has been transfered from CPS to the state-contracted adoption agency. And we got a call from a social worker from that agency saying she's been assigned to Boo's case and she wants to meet with our family next week. We also have an adoption application to fill out to get the ball rolling on the adoption process!
To say I'm thrilled is not doing this justice! I am beyond excited that Boo's case has finally been transfered over to the adoption agency. We've been waiting for this day for months and months.
When we took the training classes for our foster care license back in 2007, we were warned that it could take "up to 12 months or so" before we might be allowed to adopt a child from foster care. I now realize they were being overly optimistic in their 12 months estimate, at least Boo's case has proven them wrong.
I must admit, there's still anger lingering in me that this precious child has been stuck in the system for 25 months (of her 29 1/2 months of existence) and we still haven't gotten a ruling from the higher court of appeals on whether or not the severance ruling will be upheld. We still haven't been able to finalize her adoption and legally make her a part of our family. The system is failing children pulled into the foster care system. They're failing Boo right now. She should've been allowed to be adopted a long time ago!
But I'm trying to let go of that anger and count my blessings that she's with us now. She knows she's loved. She's stable and thriving. And, God willing, she's not going anywhere! I suspect I won't be able to fully let go of the anger until after we've been allowed to adopt her.
I have to tell you, I'm throwing this child a HUGE celebration party on the day we get to finalize her adoption (I'm thinking positively here)! She so deserves a day of celebration for all that she's been through!
Please keep her and our family in your prayers!
Labels: Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
A bit of progress on Boo's case.
We got a wee bit of good news about Boo’s case today! The CPS worker confirmed that Boo’s case file has officially been transferred from CPS to the adoption agency that is contracted to do all the adoptions for our state.So, we got the severance ruling in March and it’s taken nearly 4 months for her case to be transferred to the adoption agency! It shouldn’t have taken this long, but apparently Boo has been in the system these past 24 months without CPS having a certified copy of her birth certificate or a copy of her social security card and the adoption agency wouldn’t accept her file without these documents in it.
It took the CPS worker 4 months to get her hands on them, in large part because she had to send away for them in another state and because Boo’s legal name is so convoluted that it was listed one way on her birth certificate, another way on her social security card, and CPS had a third version of her full name given to them. How strange is that?!
Still no news on the appeals process. To our knowledge, Boo’s case has not gotten in front of the higher court of appeals for the final ruling. We have no idea when this will happen. We’re praying that it will happen soon so that we can finalize her adoption before the end of this year!
Still no news on the appeals process. To our knowledge, Boo’s case has not gotten in front of the higher court of appeals for the final ruling. We have no idea when this will happen. We’re praying that it will happen soon so that we can finalize her adoption before the end of this year!In our hearts and minds (and in those of our family and close friends), Boo is already a most valued member of our family. We just want the legal documents finalizing this so we can have this cloud of worry of the remote possibility of her being taken away from us removed from over our heads!
I tell you, on the day we finalize her adoption, there will be much rejoicing! I may even post full-on pictures of her and the rest of my little family celebrating that day for you all to see.
I tell you, on the day we finalize her adoption, there will be much rejoicing! I may even post full-on pictures of her and the rest of my little family celebrating that day for you all to see.
Labels: Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Loosing touch with Baby Bug
There's something that's been weighing heavily on my heart lately and I'd like to share.Baby Bug's parents have separated. Baby Bug's mom moved out of the townhouse they were renting and moved in with her father (Baby Bug's grandfather). She took the two kids with her. I'm not sure what kind of visitation schedule will be arranged between the kids and their father.
During our visit in early April, Baby Bug's mom mentioned that her dad did not approve of her keeping in touch with us after Baby Bug was returned home. For some reason he didn't think it was a good idea. She kept in touch with us despite his disapproval.
Now that she's living with him, perhaps she's feeling pressured to cut off contact with us. Or, maybe her life seems so out of control right now that she just doesn't have the energy to maintain contact with us. I don't really know the reason why she's stopped taking my phone calls. I've left a couple of messages with her and I've gotten no response. I no longer know where she's physically living. She never told me the location of her dad's house.
I just don't know what to do. Do I track down Baby Bug's dad (I know where he works) and see how they're doing? That might upset Baby Bug's mom. If I thought Baby Bug was in danger, I could contact CPS and ask them to track her down, but I honestly don't think she's in danger. Her little live is being turned upside down, but I still believe she's being well cared for. Do I continue to call Baby Bug's mom periodically (like a month from now) and hope that one days she answers my call?
Do I just let go and let God? It pains me to think that I may have to do this. Baby Bug is not our daughter, as much as we love her still. She has a mother and a father. It's really up to them what kind of contact they wish to allow us, if any.
I had hoped to have at least some minimal on-going contact with Baby Bug and her family. I wanted to watch her grow and be like an honorary aunt to her. I thought that was possible, but now I'm realizing that maybe it isn't.
I'm saddened at this break in contact.
Labels: Baby Bug, foster children, fostering
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
We saw Baby Bug this past weekend.
First of all, thanks for all the lovely well wishes that you all have left me in the comments section of my last post. I appreciate the support! No new news to report. We're still waiting to hear whether or not an appeal is being filed. I'll let you all know when we know.
In other news, we got to spend a good portion of the day with Baby Bug, her mom, and her baby brother yesterday! They met us for breakfast and then we went to a street fair.
Baby Bug is doing great! She's a petite little girl still, but she's growing. Her hair is getting longer and now has a bit of curl to it in the back. I brought her a flower hair clip and used it to hold back her bangs. She's still as beautiful as ever!
It never ceases to amaze me that Baby Bug really seems to remember us, despite the fact that she hasn't lived with us since last August. We don't get to see her as often as I'd like, due to her family schedule and our family schedule but when we do see her, she smiles, willingly comes to us, and gives us hugs and kisses. She still adores Snuggle Bug, which is good because he still adores her, and she laughs and plays with Boo too!
Baby Bug's little brother is doing well also. He's 6 months old now and he's a chunky little guy. He's such a mellow baby and he always smiles at you! Baby Bug doesn't seem all that interested in her baby brother yet, but she's only 16 months old and he isn't all that exciting yet at 6 months old.
Baby Bug's parents are still struggling in their relationship. I'm not sure if they're going to make it, and I worry about what that means for Baby Bug and her brother if they do not. Baby Bug's mom is talking about going back to work, in case things don't work out, and seems determined to put her kids first throughout all of this. We've told her time and time again that we're here to help but so far the only thing she's asked of us is just for a sympathetic ear to help her process her feelings. I know that when we do get together, she's happy for the company. Being a stay-at-home mom has been rather isolating for her.
Well, that's all for now. Have a great day!
Labels: Baby Bug, Boo, foster children, fostering
Thursday, March 19, 2009
The termination trial is at an end and we've got a ruling.
After nearly 2 days of grueling trial and listening to testimony presented by witnesses, evidence entered into court, and closing arguments, the judge told us we were all excused yesterday afternoon at 4:30 PM.
No verdict or ruling was given. We were simply told we could leave.
The state attorney explained to me outside of the courtroom that the judge had up to 60 days to rule on the case and that he'd send his ruling in minute entries to the lawyers and they would disseminate that information to the involved parties. The CPS worker said she'd call us when she heard.
I left the courthouse more fearful of the outcome than I had been before the contested termination trial began! The lawyer defending Boo's mom did a GREAT job of arguing her side and the state attorney also did a WONDERFUL job of arguing on behalf of Boo having permanency with us. It was a complicated case. I walked out of court truly not knowing which way the judge would rule. My heart was heavy and I felt sick to my stomach. I feared we'd be left hanging, worrying, for the next 2 months!
Last night I felt so discouraged and couldn't sleep a wink. I slept in the guest bed in Boo's room because it comforted me to hear her breathing as she slept.
Not expecting to hear back for several weeks, imagine my surprise when my cell phone rang at 2:33 PM today while I was at work and it was the CPS worker. She was calling to tell me that the judge had ruled for severance of parental rights!!! He ruled in less than 24 hours!! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! It was so unexpected! I thanked her for sharing the news and called Oronzo and we both choked up as we absorbed the news together.
Not long after the CPS worker called me, I got a call from Boo's lawyer. She called to make sure I had heard the news and we ended up spending 45 minutes talking about several things pertaining to Boo and her long-standing case. That's the longest I've ever talked to her since the day Boo was transferred into our home!
What happens next? We wait to see if Boo's mom will appeal (we strongly suspect she will and, oddly enough, I'm actually okay with that) within 30 days and, if so, then we wait another 6-15 months to see if the higher courts overturns this severance ruling. We've been told that it's very rare for that to happen, but we have to prepare ourselves for the reality that it could happen.
In the meantime, we get to proceed with the adoption process, right up to the finalization. That will have to wait until after the appeal ruling.
13 months and 4 days we've waited for this ruling, praying with all of our might, enlisting the aid of our family and friends in prayer, worrying that we'd loose this precious little girl that we've grown to love so dearly. 20 1/2 months of her 25 months of life, Boo has been in the system as a foster child, without permanency, without a family to truly call her own.
If we get past the appeal, all of that will change. We will adopt her in due time and she will LEGALLY become the daughter she already is in our hearts and she will spend the rest of her life as an well-loved part of our immediate and extended family.
Thank, thank you all for your support. I can't tell you how much it means to me! Please, keep those prayers coming. It's not over yet.
I'll keep you posted on the appeals and adoption processes.
No verdict or ruling was given. We were simply told we could leave.
The state attorney explained to me outside of the courtroom that the judge had up to 60 days to rule on the case and that he'd send his ruling in minute entries to the lawyers and they would disseminate that information to the involved parties. The CPS worker said she'd call us when she heard.
I left the courthouse more fearful of the outcome than I had been before the contested termination trial began! The lawyer defending Boo's mom did a GREAT job of arguing her side and the state attorney also did a WONDERFUL job of arguing on behalf of Boo having permanency with us. It was a complicated case. I walked out of court truly not knowing which way the judge would rule. My heart was heavy and I felt sick to my stomach. I feared we'd be left hanging, worrying, for the next 2 months!
Last night I felt so discouraged and couldn't sleep a wink. I slept in the guest bed in Boo's room because it comforted me to hear her breathing as she slept.
Not expecting to hear back for several weeks, imagine my surprise when my cell phone rang at 2:33 PM today while I was at work and it was the CPS worker. She was calling to tell me that the judge had ruled for severance of parental rights!!! He ruled in less than 24 hours!! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! It was so unexpected! I thanked her for sharing the news and called Oronzo and we both choked up as we absorbed the news together.
Not long after the CPS worker called me, I got a call from Boo's lawyer. She called to make sure I had heard the news and we ended up spending 45 minutes talking about several things pertaining to Boo and her long-standing case. That's the longest I've ever talked to her since the day Boo was transferred into our home!
What happens next? We wait to see if Boo's mom will appeal (we strongly suspect she will and, oddly enough, I'm actually okay with that) within 30 days and, if so, then we wait another 6-15 months to see if the higher courts overturns this severance ruling. We've been told that it's very rare for that to happen, but we have to prepare ourselves for the reality that it could happen.
In the meantime, we get to proceed with the adoption process, right up to the finalization. That will have to wait until after the appeal ruling.
13 months and 4 days we've waited for this ruling, praying with all of our might, enlisting the aid of our family and friends in prayer, worrying that we'd loose this precious little girl that we've grown to love so dearly. 20 1/2 months of her 25 months of life, Boo has been in the system as a foster child, without permanency, without a family to truly call her own.
If we get past the appeal, all of that will change. We will adopt her in due time and she will LEGALLY become the daughter she already is in our hearts and she will spend the rest of her life as an well-loved part of our immediate and extended family.
Thank, thank you all for your support. I can't tell you how much it means to me! Please, keep those prayers coming. It's not over yet.
I'll keep you posted on the appeals and adoption processes.
Labels: Boo, expanding our family, faith, family, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering, leap of faith
Monday, March 16, 2009
Contested Termination Trial begins- prayers would be most welcome!
So, tomorrow the contested termination trial for Boo's case begins in the afternoon. I am testifying within the second hour of the trial.I'm nervous and scared. I'm nervous about being on the stand, facing Boo's mom, knowing that I'm praying that we get to keep her. I feel compassion for this woman, knowing she's had a hard life, but I still want her daughter to become our daughter. Such conflicting emotions there.
I'm scared about what the final outcome of this trial will bring. So much is at stake. The fate of this precious little girl rests in the hands of one man, the judge. What will he decide?
Boo has been with us for a 13 months now. We love her as if she was our own. We know that legally she is not but that hasn't stopped us from loving her and welcoming her into our family. That hasn't stopped our 4 year old son from considering her his little sister. That hasn't stopped her from believing that we are her Mommy and Daddy and that Snuggle Bug is her big brother and that all the extended family and friends that support us love her nearly as much as we do.
Boo has been in the system as a foster child for 20 1/2 months now. I want her to be done being a foster child. I want her just to be our daughter and to start living a "normal" life.
Please, all you prayer warriors, please say prayers for our family these next 3 days. And if you don't mind spreading the word and asking for even more prayers, I'd sure appreciate it.
I'll try to post updates as I can, so stop back.
Thank you for all of your on-going support! It's meant a lot to us!
UPDATE #1
I survived the first day of court, but barely. I entered the courtroom at the appropriate time and the judge asked all those called to be witnesses to stand and be sworn in as a group. I stood up and got sworn in. Then he told all of us but the first witness to leave the courtroom and remain out until it was our turn. I was second to last to testify so I had to sit out until the last hour and a half.
Finally I was called to testify. The state attorney asked me a lot of questions about how long Boo has been with us, what our family was like, what challenges we'd experience after Boo arrived and how we'd tried to work through those challenges, if we'd fostered in the past, if we understood our role as foster parents in relation to reunification efforts, and how committed we were to Boo (would we adopt her)?
I answered all the questions honestly and thoroughly. Then the judge surprised me by asking me to explain the relationship between Boo and Snuggle Bug and I explained how they've gotten to be quite close, that they were nearly inseparable, how Boo followed Snuggle Bug everywhere, how she imitated him, and how if they were apart they each asked constantly where the other one was. I admitted that they had normal sibling squabbles but overall they placed quite nicely together.
The judge then asked me if Snuggle Bug referred to Boo as his little sister. I explained that we had been careful not to refer to Boo as Snuggle Bug's little sister in front of him, knowing that she was a foster child and that the initial goal was reunification and she might be leaving. But over time Snuggle Bug took it upon himself to start calling her his little sister and that he believed her to be his little sister.
So, the only two questions the judge asked me was to get a better idea of how she related to our son and our family. I found that somewhat promising.
At the end of court, Boo's mom approached me with tears in her eyes and thanked me for taking care of her little girl. She said it broke her heart to hear all that Boo had been through before getting to our family and how it affected her. She said she was glad that we were willing to take such good care of her. I teared up a bit myself at that and explained that we loved Boo and only wanted what was best for her and then I was called away to talk to the CPS worker.
Tomorrow is a full day of trial. It's draining, listening to all of the history of this case coming out. I'm not looking forward to another 7 hours of it. I just want it over! I'm sick to my stomach at what the final result will be. This judge is hard to read.
Keep those prayers coming, please!
Labels: Boo, expanding our family, faith, family, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering, leap of faith
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Court hearing for "John Doe"- *UPDATED*
Later this morning I'll be heading to court. There's a public hearing for Boo's birth father or "John Doe".Boo's father hasn't been in the picture since before she was born. Her birth mother named him on her birth certificate but it hasn't been possible to verify anything.
This morning the named father or "John Doe" will have the opportunity to have his day in court. My understanding is that this is the state's way of publicly notifying him that if he does not step forward, his rights will be severed. I'm not sure, but they may also be posting a public notice in the newspaper.
No one expects anything to happen at this court hearing. I've been told by CPS that it'll take a few mere minutes because it's highly unlikely that anyone will show up. I've even been told that I don't need to attend. I'm allowed to attend, but I don't need to.
Still, I will be there, just as I have for every other court hearing in Boo's case. If someone shows up, I want to be there when it happens. If no one does, then I will consider it time well spent to ease my mind.
I'll stop back later today and provide an update.
Update:
The birth father rights were severed today in court!!!! That hurdle is out of the way. No more worrying about "what if" her bio father appears out of nowhere after 2 years of silence! It's done, finished for him.
Labels: Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Thursday, March 05, 2009
I've been asked to testify in court.
I got a call from the Assistant Attorney General's office earlier this week. They wanted my permission to subpoena me to testify in the upcoming contested termination trial for Boo's case.
I had some apprehensions about doing so but the Asst. Attorney General who's been representing the state in this case called me herself personally to answer my questions and offer assurances.
My main concern was confidentiality. We've worked hard this past year to keep our last name and mailing address out of the court records for this case. We sign all court documents by first name only. We don't give out our address when filling out forms that might make their way to lawyers to be submitted in court. We have made it clear to Boo's lawyer and the CPS workers for this case that our information is not to be given out. To the best of our knowledge they've respected this request. Whenever we receive notification of upcoming court appointments, the notices themselves, which are given to all involved parties, show only Foster Parents/Address Confidential.
So, I worried that if I got up in court to testify, I'd be required to state first and last name. Or that the subpoena that would be sent to me and admitted into court record would have our mailing address on it. The Asst. Attorney General assured me that they'd leave everything listed as confidential, even on the subpoena, and that she would address me in court as "the foster mom", without having to ask for my last name.
What it comes down to is that they want me to testify to inform the judge, in my own words, what we've been through with Boo since she joined our family a year ago, how committed we are to this child, and that we are indeed willing and able to adopt her if a severance ruling is given.
Having never testified in court before, I must admit to being a bit nervous. I'm not so concerned about the questions that the Asst. Attorney General might be asking me, or what cross-examination questions Boo's lawyer might ask of me because their goal is the same as mine, severance and adoption (by us). I am a bit nervous about the cross examination of the bio-mom's attorney.
Will he attempt to try to discredit me? It'll be hard because I have nothing to hide and I'll be telling the truth. I'm not on trial, the bio mom is. The Asst. Attorney General gave me an idea of some of the types of questions he might ask me but she can't be certain what to expect from him.
In the end, I told her I'd do it. If she felt that my testimony would help strengthen their case in appealing to the judge to sever parental rights, then I'd do it. This child deserves permanency. She deserves to no longer be a foster child, after 20 months in care already. She deserves to have a loving, stable, caring, healthy home environment. We can offer that. We love her. We want to be her parents. We want Snuggle Bug to be her older brother.
She does not deserve to have this strung out any longer.
Labels: Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Friday, February 27, 2009
Disturbing message from Baby Bug's mom! *Updated*
Before I begin, if you're looking for my Favorite Ingredients Friday post, it's right here.
Now then, at 8:30 AM this morning, I received a call on my cell phone. I was still sleeping because I had been up once or twice with Snuggle Bug who had bad dreams and I didn't recognize the number on my cell phone so I let it go to voicemail. I really wish I would've taken that call!
An hour later, when I listened to my voicemail message, I was surprised to hear Baby Bug's mom leaving the message. I had planned on calling her parents today to tell them we had returned and to see if we could arrange a play date with the kids this week.
Baby Bug's mom called not to ask if we were home yet or to set up a play date. She called to give me a new phone number. The rest of her message was a bit disturbing.
She told me that there had been some drastic changes since we had left, besides the new number, and asked me to call her. She said she could use a friend.
I immediately called her back, frantic with worry about Baby Bug and her family! She didn't answer. I got her voicemail. Interestingly, the voice mail greeting on the phone was only for her, not her and Baby Bug's dad. I left her a message saying we're back in town, I'm happy to listen and I'm willing to offer help in any way that I can. I asked her to please call me back.
So, did she and Baby Bug's dad get into a fight and separate? Did one of them return to their troubled past way of life? Did CPS step in and take the kids (Baby Bug and her little brother) while we were gone? I pray that this did NOT happen! I don't want Baby Bug back in the system and certainly not with another foster family. If she is in the system again, I will be calling everyone I know associated with her past case to insist that she be transferred back to our home. We'll take her baby brother too if they let us!
I'm jumping to conclusions. There's no reason to believe that CPS has taken the kids away from them. They've been well cared for since returning home, I've seen it with my own two eyes.
Ugh, I wish I could talk to Baby Bug's mom and find out what's going on! I will be keeping my phone close too me all day!
Update:
Okay, so I finally got a call back from Baby Bug's mom in the early afternoon. The kids are fine. They're not in CPS custody. Thank goodness for that!
What it boils down to is that Baby Bug's parents are struggling in their relationship right now and Baby Bug's mom feared that they'd be parting ways soon. She's not sure how things will turn out but she really just needed someone she could trust to talk to. I offered my moral support and told her if she and the kids need anything just to let us know. Baby Bug's maternal grandparents have also made it clear that if worse comes to worse, they want Baby Bug's mom and the kids to move in with them, so they'll have family to stay with. That's comforting.
Time will tell. For now, all I can do is be encouraging and keep in contact with them so that I can keep tabs on how Baby Bug is doing (and her baby brother too).
As for a commenter's question as to whether or not CPS would call us if they took Baby Bug back into care, that's debatable. We've made it very clear that we'd like to be called, but there's no guarantee that the CPS worker that would pull the kids from the home would even look at the previous case file on Baby Bug before placing her and her brother in a foster home. We hope they would but there are no guarantees. I hope it never comes to that.
Labels: Baby Bug, foster children, fostering
Saturday, February 21, 2009
A new case worker for Boo.
I'm not sure if I mentioned it or not, but Boo's case worker (the one she had from day one) quit. I guess it shouldn't have come as a shock that she'd find a different job, there's a high burn-out rate for CPS workers and she lasted much longer than most, but it took us by surprise when she told us.The original case worker left her job at the end of January and we were waiting to see when we'd hear from the new one. We were hoping we wouldn't have any troubles with taking Boo to Hawaii with us, since the first case worker gave us written permission to do so.
Well, we've just now heard from the new case worker (22 days after she started). She called to schedule a home visit with us. I had to tell her that we couldn't do one next week as she'd requested because we're still in Hawaii.
Sadly, she didn't even know we were in Hawaii. Apparently there was very little transition between the old case worker and the new case worker, so she had no idea that Boo was out of the state!
We're not in trouble, we had everything in writing for approval, but she seemed a bit flustered that she didn't realize this until I told her.
We've scheduled a home visit for the week after we return.
Did I mention that the new case worker sounds like she's about 16 years old? Oy Vey!
Labels: Boo, foster-to-adopt, fostering
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Termination Trial date set!
Boo attempting to stand on her head.
Earlier this week, there was another court hearing for Boo's case. The judge set dates for the termination trial, now scheduled for 1 full day and 2 half days in mid-March! He doesn't suspect it'll take all 3 days but he scheduled them just the same. Finally, we have a date set that will give us the answer we've been looking for for nearly a year now!
So, what this means is that all parties (Boo's bio mom's lawyer, Boo's lawyer, and the state Assistant Attorney General) will be allowed to call witnesses and present evidence to support their case as to whether or not the rights of the bio parents' rights should be permanently severed. If the judge rules for severance, then Boo's bio mom would have 30 days to appeal that ruling. If she does that, which we suspect she will, then we'll have to wait a minimum of 8 months for the appellate courts to review the case and make a final ruling. If that final ruling is still severance, then we will be allowed to petition to adopt Boo!
Oronzo and I are cautiously optimistic that we will get to eventually adopt this precious little girl who has turned our world upside down! If so, we're really hoping to be able to finalize an adoption before the end of this year.
Of course, your prayers would be very much appreciated!
Labels: adoption #2, Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
