Celebrating my 200th Post!I can't believe it, this is my 200th post! How did that happen? Whew, I just type a lot I guess.
I'm not sure what one does to celebrate a 200th post, but I must confess, I'm feeling a bit emotionally drained today so I'm not sure I'm in the right frame of mind for celebration.
Our research efforts for Adoption #2 are, unfortunately, causing me considerable stress and anxiety at the moment. I foolishly thought that our efforts to adopt a second child would be much easier simply because we are already parents to a beautiful little boy and we have so much blessing in our lives to focus on. If only it were that easy.
The more I research various agencies and now the State, the more confused and distraught I feel. I just don't know what to do!
Do we scramble to get together anywhere from $10,000-$20,000+ to adopt through an agency and have at least the assurance that at some point we'll become parents a second time again (because even if an adoption is disrupted you don't have to ante up again, you just get put back in the pool), and try to let go of my annoyance at having a 3rd party in the form of an agency mediate and control that process?
Or, do we play Russian roulette with the State by going through their foster-to-adopt program where we don't pay fees but we take the chance of having to wait 12-24 months after a child is placed in our home to find out if we get to adopt that child and have even more people involved in our lives and even less control? At the meeting last night I learned that we'd have a 40%-50% of being allowed to adopt a child in a foster-to-adopt program and that we'd have anywhere from 6-7 people involved in our lives on a fairly regular basis up until the child is able to be adopted, if that comes to pass. Of course, the State's first and foremost priority is to re-unite that child with their biological families. I understand that and I believe that this is the way it should be. But that doesn't prevent me from still being very concerned with the emotional damages our entire family would suffer if that came to pass with a child we'd had in our home for an extended length of time was removed on short notice to be returned to their family. Why can't I be okay with this risk like Oronzo is? I want to be okay with this risk but it still terrifies me!
And then there's the private, domestic adoption scenario where we're matched through a family member or a friend, like we were with Snuggle Bug, where we have some people involved in our process, but not nearly as many as the two previous situations I've listed. A private, domestic adoption is the scenario we most desire to have happen, but it's not happening thus far. And even if it does, there are still no guarantees there either. I know, there are no guarantees in life, period.
I think the decision I'm making at this point in time is to not make a decision. I'm feeling too discouraged at the moment. I think I need to spend some time weighing the financial impact (agency adoption) against the emotional impact (State adoption) and try to figure out which one I'm better equipped to handle. I don't know that answer yet.
I can't control all of this, I learned that with Snuggle Bug's adoption. I've done what I can for now with all the research, questioning, and comparing. Now I need to offer it all up to God in prayer and ask Him to lead us to the right decision, the right path for our next adoption journey. Many of you have commented that our next child is out there waiting for us. I believe that. I need to remind myself to have patience and to let God's will be done.
And in the meantime, I'm going to give my little Snuggle Bug all the love and attention that I can and allow myself to take joy and comfort in his sweet natured presence in my life because he is truly a blessing to us.
As always, thank you for listening and thank you for your moral support.
Labels: adoption #2, foster-to-adopt, fostering
8 Comments:
Everything will be OK.
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/
OW- I got your email this morning. Sorry I haven't gotten back to you yet. I am preparing to head out of town so all these last minute details are getting me bogged down.
I will pray for your situation while I am gone, and I will respond to your questions at length when I get home.
Peace,
Here is a verse that I keep close by:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to the Lord. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7
Hang in there-God has that perfect baby out there for you and your husband to adopt.
I am praying
Susan
I am wishing you the best of luck on your journey.
YAY!!!!! I have been trying to post on your blog for a week!
Congrats on the 200th post!
I can only imagine your frustration with the whole process. When it comes to adding a child to a family it is unpredictable. When we did not get pregnant after losing a baby, I went totally into sadness, and we as a couple have a little more control over the process.
Hang in there, it will happen ... it is had to have faith at times like these but that is usually what we need the most of.
Oh man... my heart goes out to you. I can literally hear the frustration and indecision in your words. =) Know that I'm thinking of you and praying that God will reveal His plan to you soon.
We just adopted our third child through a private adoption using a facilitator (facilitators are not legal in all states). Private adoptions happen like they did with your Snugglebug, they happen through adoption attorneys, and through facilitators.
Our second child was adopted through American Adoptions (one week from phone call to meeting our daughter and we weren't even "signed up" with them). Had a wonderful experience adopting through this large national agency. This adoption was about $20,000.
Our third (and probably last) child was adopted through the Adoption Center of San Diego. This adoption will end up being about $20K as well. This adoption took almost a year before we were matched but it's been the perfect situation for us.
Hang tight and keep praying, as I will for you. If you'd like any more agency or other resources or information, please feel free to send me an email.
I'm sorry it seems to be such a struggle this time around and with so many decisions to make about which way to go. I wish there was an easier answer with so many choices out there.
I have 2 friends that adopted through the state.
The first one was more complicated. They were in the foster-adopt program and had a little girl placed with them they wanted to adopt. Then there was all this waiting time and paperwork. The mom signed over custody, then they didn't know where the father was, he was finally found (in jail) and they had to get him to sign off, then a "long-last" aunt (or great-aunt to the child) came out of the woodwork and thought she might want custoday. I know it was long and drawn out and emotionally draining - but in the end they were able to adopt her and she's been with them 7 or 8 years now.
The other lady I know also adopted her daughter through the state - I really don't know all the details, but from what I gathered from things she said before theirs seemed to be an easier case and there weren't many problems at all to her adoption.
I'm pretty sure PJ Mama/Imperfect Christian adopted their oldest daughter through the state.
Does it always have to be 12-24 month waiting period? It seems as though her adoption didn't take that long - she was a featured story on a news cast and I guess ready to be adopted.
Is it possible you could be placed with a child who the state has already exhausted all efforts with the parents and there wouldn't be that long waiting/trial period?
I will keep you guys in my prayers that you will get some answers to which way to go with this process.
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