Saturday, April 19, 2008
Fostering: Update on Boo
If you'd like to read an update on our youngest foster daughter, Baby Bug, you can find that right here. This current post will be dedicated to an update on our 14 month old foster daughter, Boo.

Boo has been with us for just over 2 months now. I'm amazed at how quickly she's adjusted to our family. Her CPS worker told me last week that she's never seen Boo look happier. Since she's known Boo longer than we have, I'll have to take her word for it. Her comment made me quite happy!

Let me tell you what we're learning about Boo.

Boo has an adventerous spirit. She likes to explore all of her surroundings, she's curious, she's active, and she's quite fearless. She's a bit sassy and throws little fits every now and then but her bad moods pass almost as quickly as they come. She is one, after all.

Boo is becoming more affectionate with us as each day passes. She started calling Oronzo "Dada" pretty early on and now she calls him "Daddy" like Snuggle Bug does. She calls me "Mama". She seeks us out for hugs and repeated kisses. She likes to snuggle with us before naps and bedtime. She adores Snuggle Bug, as long as he's not trying to take something away from her and then she fiercely objects. This girl is not a push-over!

It's taken me some time to get attached to Boo. She's a perfectly adorable and loveable little girl and I've felt that she'd fit right in with our family from early on in her placement but I've learned that attaching to a 12 month old doesn't happen as quickly as it does with a baby. I can't help but wonder if my attachment to Baby Bug (who's been with us a couple of months longer) hasn't somewhat hindered my attachment to Boo. I've heard it said that love is an action, not just an emotion, so I've been showing love to Boo through my actions, hoping that over time I'd become more attached to her. It's working!

As you can see, Boo has beautiful hair. Part of what has helped me bond with her is fixing her hair each morning. I set her up on our bathroom vanity in front of the mirror and she patiently sits while I style her hair. We "chat" and make funny faces at each other. Like with Baby Bug, I enjoy making her hair bows to match her outfits.

I've taken to rocking her and letting her drink her milk while I hold her in my arms before laying her down for a nap or for bedtime. Making one-on-one cuddle time has helped us to bond as well.

As for what her future will bring, it's still uncertain at this point. If you remember, she was transferred out of a foster-only home into our foster-to-adopt home in an effort to help CPS build a case to persuade the judge to change her case plan from a reunification goal to one of adoption. Unfortunately, this doesn't appear to have worked.

I attended a court hearing for Boo last week and CPS made their case as to why they felt the judge should move towards a goal of adoption. Boo's mother was not present but her court appointed lawyer was and he made an opposing case of giving the goal of reunification more time. He wants the judge to wait until at least October, maybe even longer, before making a final decision. I can't get into all the details as to why.

The judge seemed very non-committal either way at this court appointment. I think if he had his way he would've avoided making a decision altogether and just set another Dependency Review in 6 months and looked at this situation again. CPS diplomatically reminded him that in our state a child is due to have a Permanency Hearing set after they've been in the system for 12 months (so that don't languish in foster care for years and years with nothing resolved). So, the judge was reminded that he is required to set a Permanency Hearing date and he rather reluctantly set one for 30 June, two days before Boo will have reached the 1 year mark of being in the system.

At this Permanency Hearing, the judge will be forced to make a decision. He'll have to either decide that there is enough evidence of Boo's parents failing to work a case plan and living up to their end of the reunification goal and change the goal to adoption, or he'll have to decide that there is enough evidence to suggest that the parents should be given an extension of time to work towards reunification. Based on what I know of Boo's case, I really think that an extension of time is a huge mistake and I pray this does not happen, for her sake more than for ours.

I walked out of that court hearing last week feeling quite discouraged. When Boo was placed with us, CPS felt pretty confident that the judge would agree with them (and Boo's lawyer) that moving towards severance and adoption is in Boo's best interests. From what I heard in the court room, I think CPS was a bit overly optimistic.

From what I know of this case, I do think that if the parents are given an extension it's still likely going to end in the goal being changed to adoption but I fear the judge will let this drag on for another year before he's willing to declare Boo free for adoption. And who knows what will happen during that time. ((sigh))

This is where the phrase, "Let go and let God" really comes into play. I can't control this situation so I have to offer it up to God. All I can do is give Boo lots of love and attention and a stable home environment while she's with us. And of course, I'll be praying for her. I hope you'll do the same.

Check back on Monday if you'd like to read an update on Snuggle Bug.

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7:00 AM
14 comments


14 Comments:
At 11:55 AM, Anonymous chelle said...

The uncertainty for all parties has to be the hardest part. Hang in there. It must be hard ot become attached knowing there is a chance you may lose her. HUGS!

 
At 1:12 PM, Blogger Kelli said...

She is just adorable, absolutely beautiful! I'm praying that things go thr right way in June. I'm so happy she is opening up to you guys :)

 
At 7:35 PM, OpenID topaztook said...

How frustrating with the uncertainty, when you are already feeling a little bit more of a disconnect -- I'm sure it can't help but have some subsconscious influence -- not that you are doing anything wrong, it's just human nature, no matter how much we try to fight it, to want to prevent getting hurt!

That is an adorable bluebird hair ribbon in the last photo.

 
At 8:37 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

I'm sorry to hear you were led to believe her case for adoption was going to be more clear cut then it is turning out to be. I remember they wanted to move her to a home where she would be adopted so she wouldn't get moved around to different homes...I hope this is still the case. It seems if her parents were trying to get her back, or had any chance of getting her back, they wouldn't have moved her to a foster to adopt home, but left her where she was...it doesn't sound like her parents are even attempting to get her back! I hope this judge realizes this and takes her into consideration!

 
At 10:27 PM, Blogger Stacy said...

You know, I've wondered that about bonding to an older child. I even mentioned to Mark that if I had it my way we'd just do babies from here on out. The one day we had Baby's older sister (14 mo) with us, I saw immediately that it would be more difficult for me to bond with her. But babies are "easy" for me.

Great thoughts on acting out your love even if the emotion isn't there. HARD to do, but so wise!

Blessings to you and yours,
~Stacy

 
At 4:10 PM, Blogger Cookie's Mom said...

Oh, the uncertainty is one of the hardest parts of this process, and my heart goes out to you as we have great empathy for what you are going through with both cases. We will pray for discernment for the judge. As it seems in our neck of the woods, different judges can make decisions on cases that are worlds apart. We you come across one that is truly there for the children, it shows. SO many are unfortunately willing to allow cases to drag on through the granting of "extensions" which man feel is just a way of avoiding the permanency act. I pray that in by July the future with Boo is more certain.

 
At 5:21 PM, Blogger AC Momma said...

It sounds like a frustrating situation, but knowing that you have to "let go and let God" is a great attitude to have. But it still must be very hard to deal with. Hopefully things will work out for the best interest of that adorable little girl. Giving her lots of love and attention and a great home is what she deserves.
Best of luck to your family and God bless.

 
At 7:13 PM, Blogger Milk Mama said...

She is just the cutest thing! I love her hair! I can't wait for Anna to get hair like that! How do you make the bows? On alligator clips? I've been wanting to learn. I'm excited for the hair to come lol. :)
I'm sure that you'll get to adopt Boo. Sounds like her parents aren't really trying hard. It's a completely different situation than Bug's.

 
At 8:05 PM, Blogger julie said...

Wow, she is a beautiful little girl. I'll be praying for your situation. I know it must be very very hard.

Blessings
Julie

 
At 6:46 AM, Blogger Jacquie said...

Boo is adorable!

Happy as she has even been seen, what a wonderful compliment! You guys are fabulous.

 
At 10:02 AM, Blogger Jess said...

What a great insite on your journey, thanks for sharing. We are in the process currently and that information is very helpful. I will be praying for this sweet girl, and your family on this unknown journey.

 
At 10:21 AM, Blogger Linds said...

Thanks for sharing!

I love the bluebird barette. Did you make that?

My email is
thisabode(at)gmail(dot)com

Linds

 
At 1:44 PM, Blogger Kathleen Marie said...

I am praying all goes in Boo's behavior and we both agree on what that is. She deserves a home, family, big brother... She deserves the best. What an angel she is.

Blessings!

 
At 12:20 AM, Blogger Chelley said...

It is really Great that they can see the difference in Boo since she has been with you!

But the system is so frustrating but we all hope and pray that in the end they will make the right desion in the end for the welfare of the child!!!

prays that Boo stays happy and safe!!

 

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Name: Overwhelmed

My complete profile

It wasn't supposed to work this way...Parts 1 through 10

(the story of the private, domestic adoption of our son)


(Part 1)
(Part 2)
(Part 3)
(Part 4)
(Part 5)
(Part 6)
(Part 7)
(Part 8)
(Part 9)
(Part 10- Adoption Finalization)

Fostering isn't for the faint of heart!

(our journey to adopt again through foster-to-adopt, the good, the bad, & everything in between)


Adoption #2- considering the State
More Adoption #2 thoughts
Adoption #2- Back to considering the State
Adoption #2- The Paperwork (Round 1)
Adoption #2- The Paperwork (Round 2)
Family Foster Home Licensing Prep Checklist
Adoption #2- Long overdue update
PS-MAPP class homework assignment
Our preliminary home inspection went well!
Adoption #2: Licensing update
Adoption #2- Foster Facts
Adoption #2: I love it when things go my way!
Adoption #2- The home inspection
Adoption #2- We failed our home inspection!
Adoption #2- We passed the follow-up home inspection!
Adoption #2- Still waiting
Adoption #2- We're getting closer
Adoption #2- An update & a lead
Adoption #2- The lead that didn't pan out.
Adoption #2- We're licensed!
Adoption #2- We have a tiny baby here!
Adoption #2- Update on this precious little girl.
Adoption #2- Quick update on Baby Bug
Adoption #2- Baby Bug is staying longer!
Adoption #2- Baby Bug is growing!
Adoption #2- Overdue update on Baby Bug
Adoption #2- The latest on Baby Bug
Adoption #2- Shopping spree for Baby Bug
Being a Foster Parent Does Not Make Me A Saint
Adoption #2- Another Placement Call!
Adoption #2- Placement Meeting- UPDATED!
Adoption #2- We have Boo at our home!
Adoption #2- Meeting Boo
Adoption #2- I'm angry on Boo's behalf!
Adoption #2- A Birthday Party for Boo
Adjusting to three 3 and under!
Stressful moments in fostering.
Adoption #2- Update on our foster daughters
CPS Workers Jerking Our Chain!
It's getting much worse!
Fostering: Update on Baby Bug
Fostering: Update on Boo
The effects of fostering on Snuggle Bug
The time is drawing near to let go of Baby Bug.
Good conversation with Baby Bug's dad.
Boo has a Permanency hearing coming soon!
My heart is breaking!
Bittersweet news about Baby Bug.
Next Friday is going to be tough.
Packing up Baby Bug's belongings
It's done- Baby Bug is gone.
Working on finding peace, one day at a time.
Referral to the Early Intervention Program
Baby Bug update
Home Inspection for re-licensing
Parole granted for Boo's bio mom
Baby Bug is turning 1 year old soon.
Day 2 of Boo's permanency hearing
A prayer answered today!
Attending Baby Bug's 1st birthday party
Foster news
Good news for Boo's case
Boo's bio family visits
Termination Trial date set!
A new caseworker for Boo
I've been asked to testify in court.
Court hearing for "John Doe"
Contested termination trial begins tomorrow afternoon
Boo's adoption has been finalized!

Winner of my April Pay It Forward Book Exchange
Favorite Ingredients Friday (Spreads & Dips Editio...
Fostering: Update on Baby Bug
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BloggedIn Highlight
Favorite Ingredients Friday (Creamy Parmesan Risot...
It's not getting any better! It's getting much wo...
CPS Workers Jerking Our Chain!
Favorite Ingredients Friday (Desserts Edition)
Adoption #2- Update on the girls
























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