Tuesday, July 01, 2008
My heart is breaking.
I had intended to post a July Pay It Forward Book Exchange today but I hope you'll forgive me for not feeling up to it quite yet. Maybe later this week.
Boo's 12 month Permanency hearing has taken place and it ended up being the worst case scenario for us. I wish I could share details with you to explain, but I just can't.
Suffice it to say that due to the CPS worker's incompetence and half truths or outright lies, Boo will remain in the system as a foster child for at the very least 4 1/2 more months, but in all likelihood it'll be next May or even as late as next August before a decision is reached for her, meaning she will have been a foster child for well over 2 years.
The judge granted an extension until November and is likely going to push the case out 6-9 months after that. Even if severance is granted finally at that point, she'll be in the system another 6-8 months + to get through the adoption process.
My heart is just sick. We've had this little girl in our home just 4 short months and I already love her. Oronzo is being honest and telling me that he's not sure he can commit to 2 more years of uncertainty in the "hopes" of being able to adopt her. The longer we have her, the more attached she becomes to us and we become to her. And if it doesn't work out in our favor, and we're not confident that it will, it'll be even harder on all of us.
Oronzo is angry beyond belief at the lies we've been told by the CPS worker, the truth has been slowly revealed to us over these past few months and more came out during this hearing. He said that had we been told the truth about this case in the very initial meeting, he would've never taken it on. I'm angry and shocked with the CPS workers lies but more just incredibly sad.
I don't want to give up on this little girl and if we ask her to be transferred to another home, that's what I would feel like we were doing. She's been through so much and she deserves better! None of this is her fault. She's the innocent one. I don't want her hurt any further. I want to be there through the very end, even if that means seeing her going back to her mother. I think I could live with that.
It may be out of our control anyway. We learned in court that there's a family friend in another state (the same state that Boo's mom is in right now) that is trying to get licensed as a foster family with the specific purpose of having Boo transferred to that state to be closer to her mom, so that her mom can avoid having to come here. I think the judge would grant this. We were told by the CPS worker that this wasn't a viable option but now we're learning differently.
Please understand, I advocate for parental rights 100%. Children belong with their biological families if at all possible. But how long should parents get to pull their lives together? How much trauma and suffering should their children be forced to go through in the process?
The question we have to decide upon is how much anguish can we take as a family? How can Oronzo and I come to an agreement on this situation? We don't have answers yet. We've decided to hold off on making any decisions until we see if Boo will be tranferred out of state.
Now when I see Boo, I want to burst into tears and hold her tight. I want to tell her I'm sorry. I want to keep her safe forever. I want to shield her from all of this. It's killing me to know that I can't. I can only love her while I have her but that hardly seems enough. I shudder to think of how all of this is effecting her little spirit. How will she ever trust or have healthy attachments when the floor keeps dropping out from under her?
We knew fostering wasn't going to be an easy road but "knowing" and experiencing are two different things.
I'm struggling to see God's purpose in all of this.
Boo's 12 month Permanency hearing has taken place and it ended up being the worst case scenario for us. I wish I could share details with you to explain, but I just can't.
Suffice it to say that due to the CPS worker's incompetence and half truths or outright lies, Boo will remain in the system as a foster child for at the very least 4 1/2 more months, but in all likelihood it'll be next May or even as late as next August before a decision is reached for her, meaning she will have been a foster child for well over 2 years.
The judge granted an extension until November and is likely going to push the case out 6-9 months after that. Even if severance is granted finally at that point, she'll be in the system another 6-8 months + to get through the adoption process.
My heart is just sick. We've had this little girl in our home just 4 short months and I already love her. Oronzo is being honest and telling me that he's not sure he can commit to 2 more years of uncertainty in the "hopes" of being able to adopt her. The longer we have her, the more attached she becomes to us and we become to her. And if it doesn't work out in our favor, and we're not confident that it will, it'll be even harder on all of us.
Oronzo is angry beyond belief at the lies we've been told by the CPS worker, the truth has been slowly revealed to us over these past few months and more came out during this hearing. He said that had we been told the truth about this case in the very initial meeting, he would've never taken it on. I'm angry and shocked with the CPS workers lies but more just incredibly sad.
I don't want to give up on this little girl and if we ask her to be transferred to another home, that's what I would feel like we were doing. She's been through so much and she deserves better! None of this is her fault. She's the innocent one. I don't want her hurt any further. I want to be there through the very end, even if that means seeing her going back to her mother. I think I could live with that.
It may be out of our control anyway. We learned in court that there's a family friend in another state (the same state that Boo's mom is in right now) that is trying to get licensed as a foster family with the specific purpose of having Boo transferred to that state to be closer to her mom, so that her mom can avoid having to come here. I think the judge would grant this. We were told by the CPS worker that this wasn't a viable option but now we're learning differently.
Please understand, I advocate for parental rights 100%. Children belong with their biological families if at all possible. But how long should parents get to pull their lives together? How much trauma and suffering should their children be forced to go through in the process?
The question we have to decide upon is how much anguish can we take as a family? How can Oronzo and I come to an agreement on this situation? We don't have answers yet. We've decided to hold off on making any decisions until we see if Boo will be tranferred out of state.
Now when I see Boo, I want to burst into tears and hold her tight. I want to tell her I'm sorry. I want to keep her safe forever. I want to shield her from all of this. It's killing me to know that I can't. I can only love her while I have her but that hardly seems enough. I shudder to think of how all of this is effecting her little spirit. How will she ever trust or have healthy attachments when the floor keeps dropping out from under her?
We knew fostering wasn't going to be an easy road but "knowing" and experiencing are two different things.
I'm struggling to see God's purpose in all of this.
Labels: Boo, foster children, foster-to-adopt, fostering
30 Comments:
Overwhelmed--
Thank you so much for taking these children and doing your best for them. My heart aches for you. I will lift this situation up in my prayers. God does have a plan in this.
I completely agree, sometimes I feel no one is looking out for the child but rather the parent in hopes to avoid a sticky situation.
My heart is breaking with you right now.
I am so sorry you are having to go through with this! You seem like such a loving person and this little girl is so blessed to have you in our lives! I also know that even though sometimes we don't understand it, God has a reason for everything I can say that because I have an autistic daughter and there are many times that I break down, but I hang to the promise he will not give us more than we can bare! You will be in my prayers!
First, I'm so sorry. My heart hurts with you all getting this news and outcome. When Cookie had been with us 2 months, suddenly birthmom was found and given visitation. We thought about asking then for her to be removed b/c we thought we couldn't handle visits with a crack addict and giving this woman yet another shot (after 2 prior involuntary terminations behind her and horrific child abuse criminal past). We cried and cried and prayed so hard, and the outcome for us was obviously positive. But it was hard for a while (and the months spent waiting while they tried to FIND her when she ran - as opposed to terminating then and there). I will pray SO MUCH for you all as you decide what your heart and family can and can't endure. It isn't right you have been lied to - it sounded up front like a slam-dunk. I don't think it's right that after having been moved around so much, NOW some other person is coming forward to take her. Not right. We've got to have some time limits on these things - our kids are really taking the brunt of our wishy-washy legal system. I'm so, so sorry.
I am shocked that this has happened.
My heart breaks for you, and especially for this beautiful little girl who deserves so much to have permanency. She deserves to have stability, and to develop and maintain healthy attachments. I am so sorry.
I wish I could say that I am surprised, but the foster care system is seriously in need of reform. I am so sorry you are dealing with all this. To encourage you a little, however, a lot of times "family friends" or even family members go through all the hoopla of a homestudy only to be turned down because they had issues. Also, when the judge grants TPR, if Boo has already been with you 6 months or older, they should be able to waive the waiting period and let you go straight to finalization. I will be praying for you guys...I know this is hard (we adopted our daughter as a foster-adopt placement). Big cyber hugs being sent your way!!!
I'm so sorry for all the heartache you're going through right now. I will pray for peace and quick resolution and that God gives you a glimpse of His plan so your mind can be eased. And I will pray that you can enjoy whatever time you have left (maybe forever!) with Boo. You are so brave to do what you do with the foster system. Thanks for teaching us all about how it works.
You are the only mother and family she has ever really known. My heart breaks for ALL of you as you go through this. Your faith will be your cornerstone. As my aunt used to say, PUSH (pray until something happens) and the rest of us will PUSH right along with you for the best outcome for Boo as a child and all of you as a family.
I am so sad to hear about this. You have already helped little Boo so much by providing her with the only home she has ever known. I hope you will have the strength to work through the "system."
I'm so sad to hear this. I can't imagine the heartache that you must feel. When you said that you were struggling to find God's purpose in all this the first thing that came to mind is that you are giving her a better home than any girl could ask for. You are loving her, showering her with attention, care and wanting what is best for her life. We don't know God's purpose for Boo, but take comfort in that He does, and He loves her even more than you could. If she is moved, you might not to get to see this side of heaven what the purpose in all this was. But it just might be that you gave her the safest home she could have during her time with you (which I hope you are her forever family). I will continue praying.
It sounds like you have a long, hard road ahead of you, and you have no idea what is going to be at the end of it. All you can do right now is faithfully carry on and give that precious child all the love she needs. Even though you don't know her future, you are laying a wonderful foundation for her right now.
Unfortunately we don't always get to see God's purpose in things. Sometimes we just have to have faith and let ourselves be instruments in His powerful hands. He knows what is to happen. Let yourself be guided and comforted by Him. You don't have to see the end to have faith in His purposes. Pray for comfort and guidance and you will do what is right and make a difference. {{{Hugs}}}
Oh, I'm so sorry. Hang in there, you really are making a difference in the lives of these children. Even if you don't get to keep them forever, they need you to fight for them now.
I'm so sorry. You're in my prayers.
I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. And I'm sorry for the Little Girl. I'm praying for you all.
My heart just aches and I really think you should complain about the lies. Lying to you was just horrible! How can you ever work with that person again?
I am so praying for Boo and you all. My God have the victory in all of this.
Some people should not be parents, they are just to selfish. If that mother really loved her she would do what is best for Boo and that would be give her up into the system so a wonderful family like yours could adopt her.
God Be With You Through This Trail and Hold You in the Palm of His Hand.
Hugs!
You have done so much for this child, in the short time you've had her with you, OW.
I hurt for you. The foster system is so completely overburdened,the people who work for it take all the shortcuts they can. Unfortunately, it's seldom in the best interest of the whole reason for the system...the child.
The thing that makes me saddest is that this country needs a foster care system at all. It just breaks my heart. I know children are born into dysfunctional families, every minute of every day, but it's so sad that these innocent little people get the short end of the stick.
Hold fast to the knowledge that you've done all you possibly can for her. And hold her for every single moment you have left with her.
And then, as horrible as it sounds, if it's absolutely out of your control and you can't change it, then let go.
You have to. For your own sake, and your husband's, you have to. I'm so sorry you were lied to.
I just hurt for you. Because I have little ones around me all the time, and hold them close and look into their beautiful eyes, I know for sure that your heart is breaking.
I'm praying for you guys right now, and I'll keep you in my prayers. Even though things seem bleak, remember that you've given this baby girl a wonderful gift. You've given her unconditional love and protection, and you've provided for her needs. No system can take away what you've given her. You've made a real difference in her life. I'm praying that you guys will continue to be her family for the rest of her life. Keep your faith in God, and trust that "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it." God bless you!!
I'm so sorry you're going through this horrible pain, while at the same time sharing the most amazing love with Boo. May your family be lifted up in continued strength, confidence, peace and love through all this.
I'm so sorry. I can feel your heart breaking.
It takes courage and unconditional love to foster a child when you know you might not be able to them a forever part of your family.
I'm sending you hugs.
Oh my! What a terrible outcome! You have to shake your head sometimes and think are these people for real!!! What a sad situation for you all. ((Hugs))
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I am hoping for the best for you and your family.
I am so sorry you are going through all of this! My prayers are out there for you.
I am so sorry to hear about all that you are going through. I know it is hard, but I also know that you have the strength that you need to get through.
Can she not stay with you as a foster child?
I agree, parents should only have so long to get their acts together, it is the children who suffer in the end.
My heart is with you.
You already know how I feel about the situation - my heart is breaking for all of you too; especially Boo and all she's been through, and might still have to go through! You've got my prayers.
I am heartbroken to read this news. Thank you for being there for Boo & looking after her best interest, even when it seems like CPS and the court system isn't. I will pray for everyone involved in this situation!
May God Bless you!
Jennifer
Greenville, SC
There are no words to make the situation even close to better...I'm praying for you and especially for Boo.
OH! How sad for you and your hubby - and how oh so sad for Boo. I'll be praying for God's will in this situation - hang in there and trust Him!
BTW - we are having a book giveaway at:
www.teenlitreview.blogspot.com
and
www.wannabethoughts.blogspot.com
Stop by and enter if you get a minute!
hugs
keep fighting on her behalf
nothing worse than giving up on a child
Post a Comment
<< Home