Monday, November 13, 2006
Adoption #2- considering the State

As Oronzo and I continue to research our options for Adoption #2 we've decided to attend a meeting tonight to learn more about adopting through the State. We're only interested in exploring the possibility of the State's foster-to-adopt program and even that situation scares me a bit.

Oronzo and I are willing to consider children newborn up to 1 year in age (we want Snuggle Bug to remain the eldest and we want at least a year between our children) and with the foster-to-adopt program we could specify that this age range is the only one we will consider.

Here's what I think I know thus far. If we go through the State, we will be matched with at risk children, children that have been removed from their biological families due to drug exposure or abuse of some kind. In the foster-to-adopt program, we have to accept that the number one goal of the State is reunification with the child's family of origin. I believe they give most parents at least a year to take advantage of the resources offered by the State to stabilize their lives and become able to provide a safe and loving environment for their children placed in foster care.

During this year, we as foster-to-adopt parents would be required to take the children to supervised visits with their parents (the frequency varies but I've heard twice a week is typical). We would also take the children to any therapy or doctor's appointments that the State deems necessary. And, of course, we would provide this child with a stable and loving home environment and help them to cope and heal from the trauma they've been through.

If after a year, or whatever pre-determined length of time set by the State, the parents haven't been able to stabilize their lives and become able to provide a safe and loving environment for their children, then their rights are severed and then we'd be allowed to proceed with the adoption of the child that has been living during that time.

My heart is attempting to persuade me to seriously consider this course because there are so many children that need and deserve the loving home environment that we could offer.

My mind struggles as I consider this option. It's not the at risk children that concerns me. I feel Oronzo and I are up to some of those challenges caused either by drug exposure or abuse. What concerns me is the length of time that it would take for it to be determined whether or not we'd be allowed to proceed with an adoption. I'm so afraid that we'd have a child in our home for a year to two years, loving and bonding with that child, and then be told we have to return the child to it's parents.

I know, I know that the best scenario is for that child to be with it's biological parents. My mind understands that. But how would my heart be able to cope with the possibility of loving a child for that long and then loosing them? Could I bear that?

Oronzo, bless his heart, is already at peace with the possibility of this scenario. In his mind, he would love that child with every fiber of his being for as long as he had that child. And if that child was returned to his/her parents, he said he could cope with that.

Oronzo has said he will support my decision even if I decide that I'm not emotionally ready to consider a foster-to-adopt option. We're going to a meeting tonight hosted by a State-contracted agency because I want to make an educated decision, not just a fear-based decision.

If anyone has adopted through the State, I'd appreciate your insight. And as we weigh all our adoption options, I would appreciate your prayers and encouragement! :)

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7:59 AM
13 comments


13 Comments:
At 1:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are amazing to even consider this. I think it may also be hard on your child to have a brother or sister for a year or two and then lose them.

Jenn

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger Stacey said...

This is the route we are praying about as well.

May you be blessed with peace about whatever decision you make!

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger Barb said...

I can certainly see where some aspects of going this way would scare you. It would be heartbreaking to be attached to a child and then have to give that child up. I know this must weigh heavily on your heart. There's so much to think about. But it sure can't hurt anything to go to a meeting and find out more about it.

 
At 7:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This would be tough decision and I don't blame you for being apprehesive. I will say a prayer that God guides you in the best direction for your family.

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger DeAnna said...

I'll be praying. I know it is an amazing way and it takes special people to do this. I've been thinking about the kids in foster care system, but I know that unless God really changes me, I couldn't be a foster parent. I just know I would become way to emotionally attached. I really pray that you will come away from the meeting with peace one way or the other. God will definitely guide you which way to go. Either way, remember that He already has your next child in His plan!!

 
At 9:50 PM, Blogger Brony said...

That is a difficult position to be in. I knew a family once who had a baby removed after six months. They said giving the child back was one of the hardest things theu had to do.

I hope the meeting is informative and you find the answers you seek.

 
At 12:07 AM, Blogger lilfeathers2000 said...

@>~~,~~'~~~~~~
Blessings
~~~~~`~,~~~<@

 
At 8:20 AM, Anonymous Mieneke said...

Jenn has got a good point. How would loosing a sibling (I imagine that would be the way it would feel to Snuggle Bug) affect the child you already have?

You have a big heart, to consider going this route. I hope the meeting tonight brings clarity.

Sending you light and many positive thoughts,

Mieneke

 
At 9:04 AM, Anonymous away2me said...

Good luck with that decision. It is one that we have considered once or twice. A lot would depend on how it would effect Jake. My feelings are not as important as Jake's feelings so that is what it boils down to for us. Is it fair to our son to bond with a sibling and then have the sibling taken away.

 
At 10:12 PM, Anonymous Kirsten said...

My husband and I are foster-adoptive parents of three wonderful daughters. With our three girls come three very different stories of adoption through the foster care system. Yes it is a roller-coaster ride of emotions, but at the end of the day I am the one that is blessed by their presence in our life. It definitely means that you have quite a few people involved in your life, but often these people become friends of the family. We correspond with each birthfamily through letters and photos via a p.o. box that we maintain. This is not mandatory, but many foster-adoptive families do maintain some element of contact. Hope that this is helpful. I have really enjoy reading your blog.

 
At 5:59 AM, Blogger Stephanie said...

Wow. I will definetly be following your jourey. We are currently adopting internationally (Korea) but I have recently been putting alot of thought and research into the U.S. foster care system. It wont be for several years, but the wheels are already turning...

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger noelle said...

I'm so glad to hear that someone is going through the same process we are. We are at about the same stage/timing as you are. However, this is the first adoption for me and my husband. We have a beautiful 7 year old bio daughter and are excited to extend our family. We have completed our PRIDE classes (21 hours total) plus our CPR/First Aid class (another 7 hours). We haven't even met with our social worker yet, but have our first meeting setup on either 7/24 or 8/1 (depending on her schedule). If I keep persisting, maybe we'll get placed about the same time also! Cross our fingers. I love reading your blog, so please continue with your udpates.

 
At 10:11 AM, Blogger Julie said...

A couple of thoughts. We have adopted three children from the state. For one thing, it is very, very unusual to see ONE child in foster care who is in your age range. It does happen sometimes, but it is rare.

Often to get children that young, they come in a sibling set where the baby would be the youngest of the set.

Point number two is that its a misconception that there are tons of babies out there waiting to be adopted. Most young children, even those of minorities or with behavior or medical issues have a long list of people who want to be considered to adopt them. When our 9 month old foster daughter was accidentally put on the state-wide adoption list in our state, over 300 couples signed up to be considered for her.

If it is your desire to give an "unwanted" child a home, look to the older kids. It is the ones who are older than 6 years old who sit endlessly in fostercare waiting to be adopted (not the babies). Often they have significant behavior issues by that time. And no one wants to take an older child with problems into their home.

When you adopt from Foster Care, there is a much higher risk of mental illness. And in a baby, you have no idea what they'll be like as they get older. Of the three we adopted from the state as young kids, one turned out to have significant mental illnesses unknown at the time we adopted. You have to be willing to take that risk.

Just some thoughts. My blog is pooligans.blogspot.com And there is alot more information about our family there. Adoption from the state has been a beautiful (although challenging) thing for us. But you have to go into it with your eyes wide open.

 

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Name: Overwhelmed

My complete profile

It wasn't supposed to work this way...Parts 1 through 10

(the story of the private, domestic adoption of our son)


(Part 1)
(Part 2)
(Part 3)
(Part 4)
(Part 5)
(Part 6)
(Part 7)
(Part 8)
(Part 9)
(Part 10- Adoption Finalization)

Fostering isn't for the faint of heart!

(our journey to adopt again through foster-to-adopt, the good, the bad, & everything in between)


Adoption #2- considering the State
More Adoption #2 thoughts
Adoption #2- Back to considering the State
Adoption #2- The Paperwork (Round 1)
Adoption #2- The Paperwork (Round 2)
Family Foster Home Licensing Prep Checklist
Adoption #2- Long overdue update
PS-MAPP class homework assignment
Our preliminary home inspection went well!
Adoption #2: Licensing update
Adoption #2- Foster Facts
Adoption #2: I love it when things go my way!
Adoption #2- The home inspection
Adoption #2- We failed our home inspection!
Adoption #2- We passed the follow-up home inspection!
Adoption #2- Still waiting
Adoption #2- We're getting closer
Adoption #2- An update & a lead
Adoption #2- The lead that didn't pan out.
Adoption #2- We're licensed!
Adoption #2- We have a tiny baby here!
Adoption #2- Update on this precious little girl.
Adoption #2- Quick update on Baby Bug
Adoption #2- Baby Bug is staying longer!
Adoption #2- Baby Bug is growing!
Adoption #2- Overdue update on Baby Bug
Adoption #2- The latest on Baby Bug
Adoption #2- Shopping spree for Baby Bug
Being a Foster Parent Does Not Make Me A Saint
Adoption #2- Another Placement Call!
Adoption #2- Placement Meeting- UPDATED!
Adoption #2- We have Boo at our home!
Adoption #2- Meeting Boo
Adoption #2- I'm angry on Boo's behalf!
Adoption #2- A Birthday Party for Boo
Adjusting to three 3 and under!
Stressful moments in fostering.
Adoption #2- Update on our foster daughters
CPS Workers Jerking Our Chain!
It's getting much worse!
Fostering: Update on Baby Bug
Fostering: Update on Boo
The effects of fostering on Snuggle Bug
The time is drawing near to let go of Baby Bug.
Good conversation with Baby Bug's dad.
Boo has a Permanency hearing coming soon!
My heart is breaking!
Bittersweet news about Baby Bug.
Next Friday is going to be tough.
Packing up Baby Bug's belongings
It's done- Baby Bug is gone.
Working on finding peace, one day at a time.
Referral to the Early Intervention Program
Baby Bug update
Home Inspection for re-licensing
Parole granted for Boo's bio mom
Baby Bug is turning 1 year old soon.
Day 2 of Boo's permanency hearing
A prayer answered today!
Attending Baby Bug's 1st birthday party
Foster news
Good news for Boo's case
Boo's bio family visits
Termination Trial date set!
A new caseworker for Boo
I've been asked to testify in court.
Court hearing for "John Doe"
Contested termination trial begins tomorrow afternoon
Boo's adoption has been finalized!

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