Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Loosing touch with Baby Bug
There's something that's been weighing heavily on my heart lately and I'd like to share.

It's been over a month now since I've last seen Baby Bug.  In early April, I met her at the mall with her mom and baby brother.  We spent time shopping together at Gymboree and then I chased her around the mall play area.  She laughed, and laughed as I caught her in my arms, swooped her upside down and then set her back down to chase her all over again.  I took some pictures of her that day, not realizing it might be my last time seeing her. 

Baby Bug's parents have separated.  Baby Bug's mom moved out of the townhouse they were renting and moved in with her father (Baby Bug's grandfather).  She took the two kids with her.  I'm not sure what kind of visitation schedule will be arranged between the kids and their father.

During our visit in early April, Baby Bug's mom mentioned that her dad did not approve of her keeping in touch with us after Baby Bug was returned home.  For some reason he didn't think it was a good idea.  She kept in touch with us despite his disapproval.

Now that she's living with him, perhaps she's feeling pressured to cut off contact with us.  Or, maybe her life seems so out of control right now that she just doesn't have the energy to maintain contact with us.  I don't really know the reason why she's stopped taking my phone calls.  I've left a couple of messages with her and I've gotten no response.  I no longer know where she's physically living.  She never told me the location of her dad's house.

I just don't know what to do.  Do I track down Baby Bug's dad (I know where he works) and see how they're doing?  That might upset Baby Bug's mom.  If I thought Baby Bug was in danger, I could contact CPS and ask them to track her down, but I honestly don't think she's in danger.  Her little live is being turned upside down, but I still believe she's being well cared for.  Do I continue to call Baby Bug's mom periodically (like a month from now) and hope that one days she answers my call?

Do I just let go and let God?  It pains me to think that I may have to do this.  Baby Bug is not our daughter, as much as we love her still.  She has a mother and a father.  It's really up to them what kind of contact they wish to allow us, if any.  

I had hoped to have at least some minimal on-going contact with Baby Bug and her family.  I wanted to watch her grow and be like an honorary aunt to her.   I thought that was possible, but now I'm realizing that maybe it isn't.

I'm saddened at this break in contact.

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6:00 AM

At 8:05 AM, Blogger Amy said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling cut off after everything you did for that little one. I can't imagine how hard that must be. If it was me, I'd keep calling periodically. Maybe the mother doesn't feel she can call you now, but if she moves away from her dad she might reach out again.

At 8:14 AM, Blogger Monique in TX said...

I'd call every now and then, but not talk to the grandfather. That's not likely to win his approval. Probably Baby Bug's mother just has too much on her plate right now, but maybe she's afraid that someone may try to take the children away from her now that she's a single parent? She might be afraid of losing Baby Bug, even to you, or ashamed in some way because her marriage didn't work out. You might be a painful reminder of what Baby Bug could have had.


At 5:06 AM, Blogger Nicole said...

Ouch. I can only imagine the pain you are in having such a connection with this little girl (and her family) and not being able to have contact with them. I think you have to do a little of both: let go and let God, but also continue to show your love and allow Baby Bug's mom to come back at any time. As hard as it is, I would continue to call and leave messages, to let her know you care and you are there for them. But somehow in your own heart, I think you need to trust God. And I can only imagine how impossible that feels. I'll be praying for you...

At 10:15 PM, Anonymous Jenny @ Another Jennifer Speaks said...

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If you're interested, I have a bloggy directory for mommies. You can find the linky on my bloggy, I won't spam you with it. LOL

So yea, till I return!!

At 12:28 AM, Blogger UKZoe said...

WOW, I had no idea.


At 6:47 PM, Blogger Sally said...

I can't even imagine all that you're feeling right now. I agree w/ a little of both. DEFINITELY give it to God, and pray constantly about it, but still call every once in a while and check in or leave messages. You never know when she might really need you and then she'll pick up. Hang in there!! Even though you can't see Baby Bug every day anymore, our Father is with her every single second!!

At 2:12 PM, Blogger Barb said...

This just makes me so sad for you. I'm sure you take comfort in the fact that she's being well cared for, but I know it hurts you to lose contact. I think all you can do is continue to call her mom. That girl knows how much you love this baby - sooner or later, she'll answer the phone when you call.

At 7:25 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

I'm sorry her parents have split up and to hear that her grandfather feels it would be in her best interest for her mom not to keep in touch with you :( That is sad that he can't see what you've brought to their lives, it's sad that he can't see no harm has come from keeping in contact with you once baby bug went back to her mom. I hope that her mom is just taking some time to get settled into her new life as a single mom of 2 kids and will return your calls soon.

At 1:52 PM, Blogger Lovingmyamazinglife said...

If the Mom knows how to get in touch with you,which I am sure she does,I would give her space.It sounds like shes going through alot.

At 9:29 PM, Blogger Dawnelle said...



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It wasn't supposed to work this way...Parts 1 through 10

(the story of the private, domestic adoption of our son)

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Fostering isn't for the faint of heart!

(our journey to adopt again through foster-to-adopt, the good, the bad, & everything in between)

Adoption #2- considering the State
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Family Foster Home Licensing Prep Checklist
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Adoption #2- Quick update on Baby Bug
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Being a Foster Parent Does Not Make Me A Saint
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Adoption #2- We have Boo at our home!
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Adoption #2- A Birthday Party for Boo
Adjusting to three 3 and under!
Stressful moments in fostering.
Adoption #2- Update on our foster daughters
CPS Workers Jerking Our Chain!
It's getting much worse!
Fostering: Update on Baby Bug
Fostering: Update on Boo
The effects of fostering on Snuggle Bug
The time is drawing near to let go of Baby Bug.
Good conversation with Baby Bug's dad.
Boo has a Permanency hearing coming soon!
My heart is breaking!
Bittersweet news about Baby Bug.
Next Friday is going to be tough.
Packing up Baby Bug's belongings
It's done- Baby Bug is gone.
Working on finding peace, one day at a time.
Referral to the Early Intervention Program
Baby Bug update
Home Inspection for re-licensing
Parole granted for Boo's bio mom
Baby Bug is turning 1 year old soon.
Day 2 of Boo's permanency hearing
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