Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Boo's family visits
Loving My Amazing Life left a comment that reminded me that I have more foster news to share.  She asked, "Did boo have her visit w/the Aunt? If so I hope it went ok."

Let me back up a bit and explain what happened with Boo's first visit with her bio mom. 

That visit took place right before Christmas and we were so stressed about it.  Boo hadn't seen her bio mom since she was born, so it'd been about 22 months.  We knew that she wasn't going to know her bio mom from a stranger on the street and we were worried how hard it would be on her to be put in a room with her and a CPS Aide, also a stranger, without us.

The day that the visit was scheduled, bio mom arrived with her older sister (the aunt who had gotten Boo taken away and placed in foster care and then abandoned her by leaving the state).  The aunt wanted to be allowed to visit with the mom.  CPS said they'd let her sit in on part of the visit.

Oronzo brought Boo to the CPS office and insisted on being allowed to sit in on at least a portion of the visit as well, to make it a bit less traumatic for Boo.  He was given 20 minutes in the room with the bio mom, the aunt, and the CPS Aide that was supervising the visit.

During that time, Oronzo said that Boo's bio mom tried to get Boo to hug her, kiss her, and let her hold her.  She was having none of it, because she didn't know her.  Any time that Boo started to get fussy or distraught, her bio mom would introduce a new toy to her to distract her.

When the 20 minutes were up, Oronzo and the aunt were asked to wait outside in the hallway while the rest of the visit continued with bio mom and the CPS Aide.  Boo protested when Oronzo left the room but he said he didn't hear her screaming bloody murder from out in the hallway.

While he and the aunt waited in the hallway, he took the opportunity to ask the aunt a lot of questions to try to gather some background info about Boo's family.  The aunt seemed more than willing to share, and didn't mind airing a lot of their dirty laundry either.  

After the visit was over, Boo rushed into Ornozo's arms yelling, "Daddy!"  When Boo's bio mom tried to get Boo to hug and kiss her goodbye, Boo burrowed into Oronzo's arms and wouldn't do it. 

For a few days following that visit, Boo was exceptionally clingy with us and we had a tough time getting her to sleep at night.  She wanted us to rock her to sleep and she'd wake up off and on throughout the night with bad dreams and crying out for us.

So, we thought we were done with visits with bio mom and the aunt for a while, but a few days after Christmas we got a call from the CPS worker telling us that the aunt hadn't left town yet and she was requesting another visit before she flew back home to her state.  I argued with the CPS worker on this request but lost the argument and we were forced to drop Boo back off at the CPS office for an hour supervised visit with her aunt.  Keep in mind, she hadn't seen her aunt in almost a year before the aunt tagged along for the visit before Christmas, so she really doesn't know her.

When Oronzo arrived to drop her off, she immediately started crying and clinging to him.  When he had to hand her over to the CPS Aide, she screamed, "Daddy!" and reached back for him as she was being carried away.  It broke Oronzo's heart!

I followed up with the CPS Aide after the visit and was told that the visit went, "Okay."  He said it was clear that Boo didn't know her aunt and wasn't really interested in her.  She did stop crying and played with some toys that they had in the room.  The CPS Aide said that he was concerned because the aunt showed up dirty, as in her clothes were obviously unclean.  He said he'd be writing that up in his report.  I asked if she appeared to be under the influence of anything and he said, "No, I don't think so.  She was just dirty."

Same thing happened for a few days following the visit, Boo was particularly clingy with us, difficult to get to sleep at nights, and kept waking up crying with bad dreams.

These family visits are frustrating, to say the least, especially the ones with the aunt, but until the judge decides to severe parental rights (I'm thinking positively here, it hasn't happened yet) and until the appeals process is over, we have no choice but to put Boo through the stress of the visits.  I just pray that the visits are few and far between.

The good news is that I'm scheduled for a 19 day deployment to Hawaii next month (woo hoo!) and I got permission from the CPS worker to take Boo with me (Oronzo and Snuggle Bug are coming too, so that we can have family time together when I'm not at work)!  That means that for 19 glorious days, I won't have to wonder and worry about whether or not bio family is going to pop up wanting a visit.  What a blessing!

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6:00 AM

At 5:55 AM, Blogger Carey said...

Im praying for this situation, I pray Boo doesnt get to upset with these, and knowing that she has you and Oronzo will help a lot. How wonderful that you get to go to Hawaii as a family, that will be lots of fun!

At 12:39 PM, Blogger Lovingmyamazinglife said...

Thanks for sharing,I wish Boo wasn't having to go through this though.I still have hopes this will work out for the best,meaning staying with your family forever.Hawaii wow!Have a blast.

At 2:47 PM, Blogger Nicole said...

Have a great great great time in Hawaii!! I'm so sorry your precious Boo is having to go through these confusing times, but it just shows how loving and constant you guys have been for her. She clearly sees you and your family as a source of comfort, love, and security.

At 6:34 PM, Blogger Erin said...

Those visits are so hard - I had to take my daughter to two before we had her TPR and it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I hope you guys have a wonderful trip to Hawaii and hopefully Boo will get some permanency soon!

At 11:58 AM, Blogger bluebird of paradise said...

have a wonderful trip to Hawaii and put Boo's family in God's hands.


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Name: Overwhelmed

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It wasn't supposed to work this way...Parts 1 through 10

(the story of the private, domestic adoption of our son)

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Adoption #2- considering the State
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Family Foster Home Licensing Prep Checklist
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Adoption #2- Update on this precious little girl.
Adoption #2- Quick update on Baby Bug
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Being a Foster Parent Does Not Make Me A Saint
Adoption #2- Another Placement Call!
Adoption #2- Placement Meeting- UPDATED!
Adoption #2- We have Boo at our home!
Adoption #2- Meeting Boo
Adoption #2- I'm angry on Boo's behalf!
Adoption #2- A Birthday Party for Boo
Adjusting to three 3 and under!
Stressful moments in fostering.
Adoption #2- Update on our foster daughters
CPS Workers Jerking Our Chain!
It's getting much worse!
Fostering: Update on Baby Bug
Fostering: Update on Boo
The effects of fostering on Snuggle Bug
The time is drawing near to let go of Baby Bug.
Good conversation with Baby Bug's dad.
Boo has a Permanency hearing coming soon!
My heart is breaking!
Bittersweet news about Baby Bug.
Next Friday is going to be tough.
Packing up Baby Bug's belongings
It's done- Baby Bug is gone.
Working on finding peace, one day at a time.
Referral to the Early Intervention Program
Baby Bug update
Home Inspection for re-licensing
Parole granted for Boo's bio mom
Baby Bug is turning 1 year old soon.
Day 2 of Boo's permanency hearing
A prayer answered today!
Attending Baby Bug's 1st birthday party
Foster news
Good news for Boo's case
Boo's bio family visits
Termination Trial date set!
A new caseworker for Boo
I've been asked to testify in court.
Court hearing for "John Doe"
Contested termination trial begins tomorrow afternoon
Boo's adoption has been finalized!

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