Thursday, February 08, 2007
Blogging makes friends of strangers.
Have you ever stumbled across a blog that just speaks to you? And when you read it, especially in it's entirety, you feel as though you've connected with a dear old friend, despite the fact that this person is a complete stranger?
I've had this happen more than once, but just this week I stumbled again upon such a blog. It's called My Part of the Journey and it's written by an adoptive mother named Marlene.
I came across a comment that Marlene left over at Mia's Saving Grace. It was in response to one of Mia's many great thought-provoking posts, this one called "Insight". Mia is another one of my favorite bloggers!
Marlene's comment left me thinking to myself, "she's reading my mind and writing my thoughts!" I had to go over to her blog and check her out. I knew I would have to start at the beginning with her very first post and work my way through her entire blog.
What will compel me to continue to read Marlene's blog (I've added her to my sidebar) is her on-going conversations with her 6 year old daughter, adopted through the State. Marlene is processing a lot of the adoption related questions, feelings, emotions, and uncertainties that both she and her child are dealing with day-by-day. I'm sharing some of the same questions, feelings, emotions, and uncertainties when it comes to the adoption of our son.
Some of the questions I left in Mia's comment section were along these lines:
Is it okay to openly discuss Snuggle Bug’s adoption with strangers before he’s old enough to do so on his own? Will he see it as an invasion of his privacy later and resent me for it?
By not openly discussing his adoption with strangers, will it make him feel as though adoption is shameful and he should hide the fact that he came to be a part of our family through adoption? I never want him to feel that way!
How should we handle things when he starts school? Do we tell teachers that he was adopted or do we wait until a class project comes up that may prompt us to have that discussion? Or do I wait and let Snuggle Bug decide if/when he wants to share that information with others at school.
How will we handle things if/when Snuggle Bug asks to meet his first parents. They’ve told us they don’t want to meet him before he’s 18. Given the fact that he’ll know from day one that he was adopted, what if he wants to meet them at age 8 or 10 or 12? What happens if we contact them and they say they’re not ready? What if they say they are? Will I be willing and able to put my son’s needs first and not feel threatened by any growing relationship that might develop between them (I like to think so, but do I know this for sure)?
What’s the best way to raise my son to feel comfortable sharing with us his mixed emotions about adoption without him feeling as though he’s betraying us?
How do I help Snuggle Bug to grow into a confident young man, given the additional layer of adoption in his life?
The great thing about Marlene's blog is that now I have a glimpse into what kind of questions her 6 year old is asking, what her concerns are at this age, and possible responses to those questions and concerns. I realize that every child is different, but it's comforting to at least have an idea of what I might expect. And the great thing about Mia's blog is that I get an adult adoptee perspective and she challenges me to think outside of my comfort zone.
There is no instruction manual when it comes to adoption. I think most of us are trying to do the best we possibly can, given the circumstances, but sometimes it can be daunting. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have made some wonderful friends with all sides of the adoption triad (first/birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees) through blogging, to be able to share and learn from these beautiful women. I look forward to learning more through Marlene's blog.logs in my comments so that I can go check them out!
Oh, and in the near future, I will be blogging more about our efforts with Adoption #2.