Thursday, February 08, 2007
Blogging makes friends of strangers.
Have you ever stumbled across a blog that just speaks to you? And when you read it, especially in it's entirety, you feel as though you've connected with a dear old friend, despite the fact that this person is a complete stranger?
I've had this happen more than once, but just this week I stumbled again upon such a blog. It's called My Part of the Journey and it's written by an adoptive mother named Marlene.
I came across a comment that Marlene left over at Mia's Saving Grace. It was in response to one of Mia's many great thought-provoking posts, this one called "Insight". Mia is another one of my favorite bloggers!
Marlene's comment left me thinking to myself, "she's reading my mind and writing my thoughts!" I had to go over to her blog and check her out. I knew I would have to start at the beginning with her very first post and work my way through her entire blog.
What will compel me to continue to read Marlene's blog (I've added her to my sidebar) is her on-going conversations with her 6 year old daughter, adopted through the State. Marlene is processing a lot of the adoption related questions, feelings, emotions, and uncertainties that both she and her child are dealing with day-by-day. I'm sharing some of the same questions, feelings, emotions, and uncertainties when it comes to the adoption of our son.
Some of the questions I left in Mia's comment section were along these lines:
Is it okay to openly discuss Snuggle Bug’s adoption with strangers before he’s old enough to do so on his own? Will he see it as an invasion of his privacy later and resent me for it?
By not openly discussing his adoption with strangers, will it make him feel as though adoption is shameful and he should hide the fact that he came to be a part of our family through adoption? I never want him to feel that way!
How should we handle things when he starts school? Do we tell teachers that he was adopted or do we wait until a class project comes up that may prompt us to have that discussion? Or do I wait and let Snuggle Bug decide if/when he wants to share that information with others at school.
How will we handle things if/when Snuggle Bug asks to meet his first parents. They’ve told us they don’t want to meet him before he’s 18. Given the fact that he’ll know from day one that he was adopted, what if he wants to meet them at age 8 or 10 or 12? What happens if we contact them and they say they’re not ready? What if they say they are? Will I be willing and able to put my son’s needs first and not feel threatened by any growing relationship that might develop between them (I like to think so, but do I know this for sure)?
What’s the best way to raise my son to feel comfortable sharing with us his mixed emotions about adoption without him feeling as though he’s betraying us?
How do I help Snuggle Bug to grow into a confident young man, given the additional layer of adoption in his life?
The great thing about Marlene's blog is that now I have a glimpse into what kind of questions her 6 year old is asking, what her concerns are at this age, and possible responses to those questions and concerns. I realize that every child is different, but it's comforting to at least have an idea of what I might expect. And the great thing about Mia's blog is that I get an adult adoptee perspective and she challenges me to think outside of my comfort zone.
There is no instruction manual when it comes to adoption. I think most of us are trying to do the best we possibly can, given the circumstances, but sometimes it can be daunting. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have made some wonderful friends with all sides of the adoption triad (first/birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees) through blogging, to be able to share and learn from these beautiful women. I look forward to learning more through Marlene's blog.logs in my comments so that I can go check them out!
Oh, and in the near future, I will be blogging more about our efforts with Adoption #2.
Labels: adoption, blogger friends, family, Snuggle Bug
13 Comments:
Wow ... a lot of the questions you ask are totally tough ones. Although I cannot fully relate because our daughter is not adopted, I wonder if my Dad had the same questions when I was a kid. I was not adopted but my mother walked out at 6 months old. I think my Dad once he realized his wife was gone forever, chose to say nothing in order to protect me. That just left my imagination ... not a good thing. I think it is awesome that you plan to be open and honest with your son. He will admire you for it .... maybe not everyday since kids have a tendency to be erratic but he will!
Chelle, I had no idea that you were raised only by your dad. Wow!
I do believe that knowledge is power, so our son will have the knowledge of his adoption and the circumstances surrounding that life-altering event, at least from our perspective until he decides whether or not he wants to meet Giselle or Quinn.
I think my main question/concern is how much do I share with others, at the risk of invading his privacy before he's old enough to share with us his preferences?
Thanks for sharing.
I've enjoyed finding several new blogs to read lately, including yours. The posts at A Dusty Frame always seem to hit me right between the eyes.
I just found you through Marlene. I'm an adoptive mom to three kiddos and I always enjoy finding other adoptive parents. It is great to be able to share advice on how to handle these things!
Wow, God has really blessed you hasn't he? That is so wonderful and I know that feeling.
I want to tell you if I haven't already just how YOU blessed me when I first started blogging. You welcomed me with open arms.
I was so confused and puzzled and angry and hurt and... well, I had so many questions and you helped me through a lot of it and you know the outcome. Our daughter kept her baby and she is a WONDERFUL Mom and it was the right decision for her but if it had gone the other way I know God would have been in control of that situation as well.
I thank you so much for your prayers for me and my daughter during that time. I still continue to pray for the adoptive family, that God bless them with the perfect child for them. I hope he has already.
I am so thankful that God is continuing to bless your wonderful heart.
Hugs!
Thanks for stopping by my blog to comment. You have a beautiful blog! Love the green!
All the ones in my sidebar speak to me in different ways...these women are my friends. I can ask them questions...vent on my day and look for recipes with them. I have been inspired by each of them. I used to just come to your site on Friday's,,,but recently started checking in daily to see how you are. I enjoy you so much.
I'll have to come back to answer your questions....
marlene is truly amazing. adore her and her efforts with BJ.
Always great to read that you found a blogger who speaks to you.
Hope you find your answers.
Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/
that's great you've found another blogger you can get some insight from!
Hi OW,
I haven't forgotten you! Still working on a post about these questions. I think it's wonderful that moms like you and Marlene are open and honest. I love your blog too.
My situation is quite different than yours but I'll throw it out here anyway. My biological father was killed in a car accident when I was 13 months old. My Mom remarried the following year and her new husband adopted me. He's been a great Dad and a wonderful grandpa to my children. They didn't keep it a secret but we didn't talk much about it either. They didn't want me to feel different than my brothers. I am so very glad they handled it the way they did.
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