Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Adoption #2- a lead through the State

Do you ever feel confused about the path that God wants you to follow? I'm feeling extremely confused right now.

Not long ago I wrote a post, Adoption #2- considering the State. In this post I talked about exploring the option of adopting through the foster-to-adopt program. Oronzo and I attended an orientation and I walked away feeling as though the emotional risks were too high for me to handle. Oronzo respected my decision not to persue adoption through the State at this time. I thought that was the end of the subject for a while.

Well, today we got a call from a good friend of ours who adopted her son through the State. She was calling to tell us that one of her friends has been placed with a newborn baby girl just yesterday and they're unable to adopt this child because they're moving to Alaska in 5 months. All they can do is provide a foster home for this baby. Once they move, the baby will be put back in the system.

All our friend could tell us about this situation is that the baby's mother has had 3 other children taken away from her and there's a very high probability that this baby girl will be taken from her as well, and that it probably won't take even a year for this mother's rights to be terminated.

Our friend is strongly encouraging us to get certified through the State so that this baby can be given to us by the time that her friends move to Alaska.

We've met the couple who is fostering this baby girl. Their son, also adopted through the State, has been in various playgroups with Snuggle Bug. They're a very nice family and I know this baby girl would be very well taken care of by them while she's in their home. In fact, we'd be able to visit this baby girl frequently while we were in the process of getting licensed through the State.

Is God trying to tell me that adopting through the State is the way we should go and that I need to open my heart to this option?

Here are my concerns:

1) Oronzo is scheduled to interview for a job in Nebraska, in the very city where 2 of my siblings live, on 11 January. I'm praying he gets the right job offer and we can move closer to my family. Although he's willing to consider such a possibility, he's not thrilled about moving to Nebraska and away from his family. Still, he's said that if the offer is right and the company seems to be a good one, he'll do it (he was the one that applied for the job initially with no prompting from me, I didn't find out until after the fact). He's told me, "We've lived near my family for the past 10 years, I'd be okay with moving close to your family now. I know it'd make you happy."

2) Can I get over my fears of the emotional risks to try adopting through the State? I'm not sure that there's any guarantee that the baby girl in question would be allowed to go to us even after we're certified. There's a good chance that she would, but no guarantees.

3) How would I feel with just visiting this baby girl for 5-6 months, not being able to mother her and care for her, in the hopes that I'd be allowed to adopt her?

Ugh, these decisions are so difficult! I guess I should be thankful these leads are presenting themselves to us. At this rate, we're bound to find a second child soon, one way or another!

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10:26 AM

At 12:23 PM, Blogger Barbie said...

I will pray that you make the right decisions here! I know a family who is in our church that have adopted 3 children through the state and each one went through smoothly. I know there are no guarantee's but God will make it clear.

At 12:57 PM, Anonymous Erin said...

Oh gosh, such a hard decision! Right after we had our failed match in 2003, we received word about a young sibling pair that were being placed and did we want to go through the state process to do that.

In the end, we decided a sibling pair off the bat was more than we had anticipated, so we stuck with the agency infant program.

I will be praying for you and your decision.

At 2:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Lord, we bring OW's fears to you knowing that you have a plan. It is hard to see the direction you desire for them to go-so until you say go this way-remind us to BE STILL AND KNOW YOU ARE GOD and remind us that you HAVE A PLAN-TO BRING US HOPE AND A FUTURE. Lord there is nothing better than seeing you move and direct our lives so we ask that you cleary guide them right now as they make some pretty big decisions. Bless them with a child to love and raise as their own. We need more people like OW and her husband-willing to make good homes for kids who need them.
Thank you Lord for all that you have done and all that you are going to do!
In your most precious name!

At 4:19 PM, Anonymous Foster to Adopt Mother of Three said...

Oh this does sound like a promising lead. Just think that in the time it takes to become certified, you will get the chance to see what the biological mother is going to do with her service plan. Based on history, not too likely that she will comply with what is required. Good luck and I will praying for your family during this time.

At 9:09 PM, Blogger cityfarmer said...

Aren't you most thankful for the loyal readers who are believers?
That's the most important thing..we will stand with you in your desires, God says he gives us the desires.

At 10:20 PM, Blogger Michelle said...

This lead does sound very promising! I can understand your reservations about getting emotionally involved and not knowing you'll be able to adopt her, but it does sound like something to look further into! You're in my prayers!

At 2:29 AM, Anonymous away2me said...

I read your post and my gut says you have to go for it. That's just my gut talking.

At 3:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wouldn't do any harm just to start the ball rolling to get certified, would it? Sounds exciting though. You'll all be in my prayers.

At 6:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am saying a prayer that whatever you decide will be the best for your family. God has a plan, and you will know what the right decision is. My cousin and his wife went through the state, and were foster to adopt. I know they were a nervous wreck until everything was finalized even though they knew (99% positive) that the mother wouldn't change her mind. But you always worry, how could you not. They are still going through the state to adopt #2 and feel comfortable with their decision.

At 7:16 AM, Anonymous chelle said...

I find in these circumstances, one step at a time, leads us to the path we were meant to take. Try to have a lot of quiet calm time to listen too.

It can't hurt to proceed cautiously and see where it takes your family.

Totally sending you quiet vibes so you can lead the way.

At 8:18 AM, Blogger Magi said...

It wouldn't hurt to start the certification process. Think of it as opening one more door of possibilities. You can then see where it leads you.

Good luck!

At 9:33 AM, Blogger Daddy D said...


- Jon
- Daddy Detective

At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I will be praying....

At 1:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am praying for you. Larry and I have been through the foster-adoption program here but decided not to foster kids as well, you know our story with our daughter and grandbaby...but it doesn't hurt to go through don't have to follow through if you don't want to of course. Hugs and Prayers!

At 8:02 AM, Anonymous Sylvie said...

wow. Sounds like I very tough decision. We have also considered fostering to adopt, but the emotional risks are really scary. This situation does sound a little more promising though. I pray you guys make the right decision.

At 12:28 PM, Anonymous said...

Do you people honestly think that God plans for a woman to have four children taken away from her? How sick is that?

Poor woman,can you just imagine what her childhood must have been like? And how much pain she must suffer having failed four children?

What emotional risks are there in a foster adopt situation that you don't have in an adoption anyway?

I am going to pray for that poor mother if it's ok with you.

You seem to be having a wonderful life, and I hope all your wishes will come true.

I really don't think God has anything to do with adoptions, it's all done by us stupid humans.


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Name: Overwhelmed

My complete profile

It wasn't supposed to work this way...Parts 1 through 10

(the story of the private, domestic adoption of our son)

(Part 1)
(Part 2)
(Part 3)
(Part 4)
(Part 5)
(Part 6)
(Part 7)
(Part 8)
(Part 9)
(Part 10- Adoption Finalization)

Fostering isn't for the faint of heart!

(our journey to adopt again through foster-to-adopt, the good, the bad, & everything in between)

Adoption #2- considering the State
More Adoption #2 thoughts
Adoption #2- Back to considering the State
Adoption #2- The Paperwork (Round 1)
Adoption #2- The Paperwork (Round 2)
Family Foster Home Licensing Prep Checklist
Adoption #2- Long overdue update
PS-MAPP class homework assignment
Our preliminary home inspection went well!
Adoption #2: Licensing update
Adoption #2- Foster Facts
Adoption #2: I love it when things go my way!
Adoption #2- The home inspection
Adoption #2- We failed our home inspection!
Adoption #2- We passed the follow-up home inspection!
Adoption #2- Still waiting
Adoption #2- We're getting closer
Adoption #2- An update & a lead
Adoption #2- The lead that didn't pan out.
Adoption #2- We're licensed!
Adoption #2- We have a tiny baby here!
Adoption #2- Update on this precious little girl.
Adoption #2- Quick update on Baby Bug
Adoption #2- Baby Bug is staying longer!
Adoption #2- Baby Bug is growing!
Adoption #2- Overdue update on Baby Bug
Adoption #2- The latest on Baby Bug
Adoption #2- Shopping spree for Baby Bug
Being a Foster Parent Does Not Make Me A Saint
Adoption #2- Another Placement Call!
Adoption #2- Placement Meeting- UPDATED!
Adoption #2- We have Boo at our home!
Adoption #2- Meeting Boo
Adoption #2- I'm angry on Boo's behalf!
Adoption #2- A Birthday Party for Boo
Adjusting to three 3 and under!
Stressful moments in fostering.
Adoption #2- Update on our foster daughters
CPS Workers Jerking Our Chain!
It's getting much worse!
Fostering: Update on Baby Bug
Fostering: Update on Boo
The effects of fostering on Snuggle Bug
The time is drawing near to let go of Baby Bug.
Good conversation with Baby Bug's dad.
Boo has a Permanency hearing coming soon!
My heart is breaking!
Bittersweet news about Baby Bug.
Next Friday is going to be tough.
Packing up Baby Bug's belongings
It's done- Baby Bug is gone.
Working on finding peace, one day at a time.
Referral to the Early Intervention Program
Baby Bug update
Home Inspection for re-licensing
Parole granted for Boo's bio mom
Baby Bug is turning 1 year old soon.
Day 2 of Boo's permanency hearing
A prayer answered today!
Attending Baby Bug's 1st birthday party
Foster news
Good news for Boo's case
Boo's bio family visits
Termination Trial date set!
A new caseworker for Boo
I've been asked to testify in court.
Court hearing for "John Doe"
Contested termination trial begins tomorrow afternoon
Boo's adoption has been finalized!

What's a mama to do?
Adoption #2- The lead didn't pan out.
Roly-Poly Santa cookie pictures
Favorite Ingredient Friday (Roly-Poly Santa Cookie...
2006 Christmas Tour of Homes
WFMW (12 lbs 'til Christmas)
Blogger Beta doesn't like me!
Snuggle Bug's 2nd birthday party
Favorite Ingredients Friday (Cole's chili)
Adoption #2- Uncertain about our lead.

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