Oronzo and I have made the decision to try to adopt through the State. We've picked an agency that we feel comfortable with and we're going to sign up for their foster-to-adopt program. We're still going to keep the word out with family and friends for a private adoption situation, just to keep our options open. But, since nothing's happening on that front, we're proceeding in this other direction.

I'd like to share our experiences along the way with adopting through the state. Of course, I won't be able to get into specifics about the child we might be placed with or the family of that child, they deserve their privacy after all, but I will get into specifics about the process itself and our interpretation of it. I hope that others will learn from our experiences, as I have learned from others.

Adopting through the state seems pretty scary to me right now, but a part of me has decided to let go of that fear. I'm tired of it holding me back. I'm ready to make a leap of faith.

So, in the interest of sharing our experiences, I thought I'd start by sharing some of the paperwork that we're having to fill out in preparation for our training class. I'm short on time so I may have to come back and add more details this afternoon, so please stop back.

Please keep in mind that each state will have different paperwork and, even within the same city, each agency will have different paperwork, but the resulting information that the state gets from prospective foster/adoptive parents ends up the same. I hope to take the mystery out of this process for others by sharing what we're going through.

Personal Profile (My Family History)

1. Who were all the people who lived with you (birth date and relationship) when you were between the ages of: birth through five years old, six through eleven, twelve through fifteen, sixteen until you left home.

2. Was there anyone not in your home or immediate family with whom you were especially close, and why?

3. Of all the people you listed in Question 1 & 2, where are these people now and how often are you in contact with them.

4. Of all the people listed, to whom were you closest and why?

5. What ages of your childhood did you like most, and why?

6. What ages of your childhood did you not like, and why?

7. With whom did you have the most difficulty getting along, and why?

8. When you were growing up, what were ways for members of your family to show the following feelings: happiness, love/affection, anger, disappointment, frustration, sadness/depression, stress.

9. Compared to other families you've known, both as a child and as an adult, would you say your family was happier or less happy than most families?

10. What family traditions with which you grew up do you still keep today, and why? Are there new traditions, and why?

11. Are there family traditions with which you grew up that you do not keep, and why?

12. Think back to the time when you left home to be on your own. How old were you? Why did you leave? How did you and your family feel about your leaving?

13. If you have been previously married or lived together in an intimate relationship, please complete questions 13-16. If not, go to question 17. Name of spouse or significant other? Date of marriage or beginning of relationship? Place of marriage? Reason marriage or relationship ended? Date marriage or relationship ended?

14. List any children you have, from previous marriages or relationships, who do not currently live with you.

15. What contact do you have with the person listed in questions 13 & 14. How do they feel about your desire to become a foster/adoptive parent?

16. Identify your emotions about the ending of your marriage. Describe how you handled those emotions.

17. If you have remarried, or entered into a new relationship with someone other than your children's father, how did your children adjust to the new person?

18. How did you meet your spouse or the person with whom you are living?

19. How long have you: know each other, been married, been living together?

20. What do you think was the main reason you married or entered into a relationship with this person and the main reason you have stayed together?

21. What do you like most about your spouse or partner? What do you think your spouse or partner likes most about you?

22. What would you like to change about your spouse or partner? What do you think your spouse or partner would like to have you change?

23. What do you most like about being married and/or living with someone?

24. What do you least like about being married and/or living with someone?

25. What would make you want to consider a divorce or ending of the relationship?

26. How much time during the week do you and your spouse or partner have along together, and do you think this is enough time?

27. What was the biggest disappointment or loss you have had in your life and how did you cope with it?

28. How and by whom were you disciplined as a child under the age of six?

29. How and by whom were you disciplined as a child between six and twelve?

30. How and by whom were you disciplined as an adolescent?

Okay, so this just scratches the surface of the stack of paperwork I have in front of me. As I was typing the questions here, I had an internal commentary going on in my brain, but I don't have time to explore that now. I'll try to come back this afternoon and add that after I get off work.

So, what do you think? Are any of you interested in me continuing with the sharing of this type of information? How would you feel about having to answer these questions?

Labels: adoption, adoption #2, adoption paperwork, family, foster-to-adopt, fostering