It's time to post yet another WFMW tip. I'm not sure if this is really a tip, as much as an interesting list.I'm one of those parents that doesn't believe in spanking, mainly because my parents were excessive in their belief in spanking as they raised me and my siblings.
At the last library stay-and-play that I attended with Snuggle Bug, I received a list of 10 Reasons Why Parents Should Not Spank that I thought was excellent. Let me share a few of them for you.
1) Spanking teaches children that they do not have control over their behavior. Lack of inner control can block children's ability to solve problems and make decisions on their own.
2) Spanking can teach children to rely on others for control of their behavior. Children who learn external controls are more apt to let circumstances, events, and others influence their actions rather than using their own resources.
3) Spanking teaches children that hitting is a perfectly acceptable behavior. Children can learn that violence or force is a channel for anger and a way of solving problems.
4) The use of physical force as a means of discipline teaches children that it is okay to hit someone you love. This learning and belief can perpetuate domestic violence, inflicting pain on more family members.
If you're interested in receiving the entire list of 10 Reasons Why Parents Should Not Spank please leave me a comment with your email address and I'll send it to you. Don't worry, I won't sell your info to a marketing firm! :)
Also I'm curious, what alternative methods do you use to discipline your children, rather than spanking?
Not spanking works for me. To see what works for others, be sure to check out the other links at Shannon's, the creator of Works-For-Me Wednesday!
My past WFMW entries:
Love Sweet Love
travel tip
free children's printables
calendar labels
Strawberry Spinach Salad
mesh laundry bag uses
12 lbs 'til Christmas
toddler healthy eating techniques
reindeer puppet
Grocery Game website
No Fear Shakespeare
list of age appropriate children's chores
linking within comments
baptism gift
creating blogger categories
alternate use for pot rack
cake decorating tips
unique way to stay connected
cake baking tip
comforts of home while traveling
quenching the thirst of your little one
pie crust made in bulk
hot chocolate kicked up a notch
Labels: parenting, Works-For-Me Wednesday
11 Comments:
Finally. Someone who agrees with me. I never raised my hand in anger or frustration to either of my daughters. And they are both proof that this is right.
Thank you for this.
Great list. Spanking is not even on our radar...due to excessive use of the wooden spoon on both my DH and me.
We discipline but try not to "punish". Occasionally we use a "time out" which everyone in the family knows(my DH and me too) is a time to go somewhere quiet, alone, with someone or something...to calm down.
We remove, redirect, ignore....and encourage logical consequences.
No spanking in our house either. The thought alone makes me angry!
"Time-Out" is a very usefull corrective tool in our house. At this stage we only have to mention time out and, 8 out of 10 times, the behaviour is modified.
Would love to receive the rest of the list
Love, Mieneke
Time-outs are big around here, good for the little guy and for Mommy too! Also putting the offending object/toy if applicable in time-out works well for a two year old who wants all his things right now ;). We also count down from 3 as a warning and he knows! I think that's all we do right now, he HATES time-outs so it works great as a punishment for now (he always comes back tearful and repentant, full of kisses and "sorwy"s ;)).
Right now we just use a time out/naughty spot for Kayla. She completely understands when we tell her "now you need to go sit in the naughty spot" and she'll go sit right down and wait the 3 min until the kitchen timer goes off. Then she says "ding" and we go over to her and she gets up and gives us a hug. Then we tell her to say sorry for .... fill in the blank with whatever she was doing wrong. We explain again why she can't do whatever it was she did. We're lucky that she doesn't throw a fit when she has to sit in that spot!
Time outs, naughty corner and a cool off basket are what we use here. We also use distraction and a lot of positive reinforcement. It also helps to show the kids how to take responsibility for whatever they have done instead of just getting upset at them.
I would love to see the rest of the list!
Happy Valentine's Day!
I don't have children yet, but I was a nanny for several years. The parents also did not spank and did time outs and such. And in my opinion the time outs didn't work. It isn't enough of a consequence for the child. The parents gave a lot threats because their "discipline" didn't work. Another family I watched kids for, did spank. The kids where not angels, but their kids took the parents seriously. I think when children are young,it is the parents responsiblity to how develop a sense of what is right and wrong. Spanking gives that motivation to pick the right thing. And as a child gets older eventually you get to the point that spanking becomes obselete. The things that ruin the effectiveness of spanking are: spanking in anger, and inconsistence in the parents, spanking one time for something and the next time letting it slid. Before you throw the baby out with the bath water, look at what the Bible says about spanking. This generation is trying to get the Christianity thrown out the window. Believing that spanking is evil is just what they want. I'm scared to think what the next generation of adults will be like!
We also don't spank, mostly because for my husband and me, it's a heat-of-the-moment response and it seems inappropriate to discipline out of anger. My WFMW entry is about discipline, too.
At the moment we mostly use time-out while we hold our daughter so she can't wiggle out of our arms. We try to be specific for which behavior the time out is and we follow up afterword with a big hug and telling her we love her and asking her to say "sorry" if she's hurt somebody.
I agree with the other anonymous. Spanking can be done appropriately, and it can be done inappropriately. Time-outs, grounding, etc, can also be used appropriately or inappropriately. What matters most is dealing with what's going on inside the child's heart (however you choose to do it) in a consistent manner.
I know children whose parents spank and children whose parents don't spank. The children who behave the best are the ones with the parents who set clear rules, set clear consequences, and stick by them consistently.
Excellent list!
I totally agree in the not spanking thing!
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